something's dying on the inside; i'm still broken but i'm free

Maybe that is why they all say love is blind. It drives you to do things you would not do when you are sober… But if love is blind, how is one able to feel such indescribable emotions? To say that there is no word or phrase that can describe love, sums it all up because love is just a word to put anxiety, bliss and agony together.

Phyllis had never believed in love at first sight, because it is simply groundless forces of attraction to somebody you barely know. Such baseless feelings often lead to actions on impulse, thus contributing to the rising number of heartbreaks. It is strange though – everybody knows what it is like to feel your heart shatter, yet, without hesitating, they go on with it.

The only mistakes she'd ever made in her life were small… But ever since that day, her life has changed completely. Wiped out. Reformatted. Turned upside down. I guess, love can be a miracle and a danger; it all depends on how well you utilise it, because that night, she let her guard down and the impending hazard wrecked her life…

Phyllis sat on her bed, letting the darkness engulf her and wondering where she had gone wrong. What made her so attracted to him? She looked outside at the stars that never failed to make her smile at the slightest bit of twinkle. The stars had always been there for her, be it good or bad times, but tonight there were only so few.

Both of them were enigmatic, a sort of charm that made you just want to catch all of their attention. Like a free spirit, they could not be binded by normal means... That was what made her want to capture everything they had. Such a despicable cad like her... They should not exist to break other's hearts right?

Or maybe, just like her close friend had said, she was just waiting and finding the right person who could bind her like she does, that both of them would never find their way around without each other... But how long was Phyllis going to wait, and how many cases of heartbreaks would happen?

maybe you're stuck on me too.

There was this girl that lived in that block down the street. Everyday she goes to school, like any normal kid would. However, the only thing that made her seem so different was that she always walked to school and back alone, always had lunch alone; to put it simply, she lived her life alone.

Nobody dared to tell her the mistakes she has made, because they fear the contagious disease she carries around - being alone. The same cold feeling of the world bored into her mind everyday, leaving her to fend off all dangers on her own. There wasn't a single kind soul who would guide her to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Eliorette smiled dreamily as she watched him walk ahead of her. He never failed to make her smile even at the simplest thing. Her happiness and smiles, such simple things that may seem so minute on the norm, meant a lot to her. Whenever he was around her, there was this bubbly sensation inside of her, something she had never felt before and she liked it. Indeed, she should be feeling happy but instead, she was feeling the opposite.

Maybe that's why they're called dreams, because they will never be reality. In fact, dreams are just the exact opposite of reality - the cold, harsh and unfeeling rush of worries and anxieties of the people who exist on the face of this earth. Then again, nobody said it was ever gonna be easy...

The wind blew in Eliorette's face, gently sending her hair flying around into a chocolate brown mess. Golden pillars of the sun's warm rays were thrown around in the park, slowly warming up the atmosphere. As she lifted her face up to see him with that belle go by, a prickling sensation started up behind her eyes.

They reached the end of the park, only to be greeted by the sight of a newly-wed couple, still in their wedding attire, taking pictures. The three of them sat on the ground in silence for a few minutes before deciding to do anything.

"Do you think I'll ever get a chance to see this day?" I muttered to myself, not expecting any answer.

"Why yes, you will darling," the pretty girl said to the wind, as if answering my question. As if on cue, he nodded and whispered, "Why don't we just wait?"

Eliorette felt a violent wave of warmness surge up from the neck to her face. Turning away, she faced the pavement, mumbling, "We..."

As she slowly returned to the sight of the bride and the groom, Eliorette placed her worries aside, unaware of the movement of the belle's head to his shoulders, joining in unison.

you were my life, my hope, everyday.

Went to ECP again yesterday :D Headed there with Xinyi, Jason and Justin. Though we didn't catch the sunset, we cycled to the end of the park and back, in two hours :D And played mind games with xinyi and jason. :x

Yeah, there were dogs in ECP yesterday, *nods* but there wasn't many. I saw Siberian Huskies and Golden Retrievers :D

So cute siol. :x

We went to Sushi Teh for dinner. Haha, it was funny I tell you. Xinyi and I ordered chuka wakame and chuka kurage for appetisers :D


I ordered Shoya Soba :D So did Jason and Xinyi ordered some wild vegetable soba and Justin had plain Udon.


Oo-kay. So then I started to eat. But then I found a piece of paper on my spoon. x_x So er, I told Justin. Then Xinyi and Jason were like, wah got paper, gogo, tell tell. So er, they did.
The person who was serving us was like shocked too. He took my bowl and apologised as he brought it to the kitchen again. Then because I was wondered I could get extra fishcakes because of this matter, er Jason went to kachiau the person about this. :x And I got my extra fishcakes.
Okay, so I got another bowl of Soba :x Then came Justin's sushi. E-eh! Found some paper in the sushi! Okay! So we went to tell the person again. He was hesitant; I guess he was just afraid that he might get scolded by the manager D:

We enjoyed the rest of our meal and later paid for the bill. So cool jor, the manager actually offered us free dessert but uhm, we were leaving already D: Not so bad ah, the cute chocolate wafer thingy was actually offered! >_<
Jason decided to apologise to that guy because we kind of caused some trouble to him. But we complimented on his wonderful service to the manager. :D Yay we made somebody's day :D I wonder what the manager do to that guy. :)

We didn't take pictures together D: So sad. But we'll be having sushi again someday :D I think it'll be this week. Heh. Can't wait gua. High tea! :D

-

The 3e1 spirit! Lawl. I thought it was supposed to be spelled 'bochup'. ._."


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[EDIT] @ 10.39pm

Is it just me, or is everyone i know getting a smiley piercing. ._." Not like I'm planning to, but why? >.> I've got nothing to say. Really. Nothing at all.
I feel like I'm dying everyday. ._.

Do you have the time? To listen to me whine?

For once, I really have nothing to write about.

-

Vivian tagged me.

1) Do you wish to get married?
No... I somehow detest children. >.>

2) What do you want the most now?
XXX

3) What would you like to eat?
Something salty and spicy.

4) What is the thing you want if you have the power to create miracles?
I'd wish to have XXX but now, I just want XXX to listen to me.

5) Do you think you have enough confidence?
Hmm... Depends.

6) Are you satisfied with youself?
Depends.

7) What are you afraid to lose now?
Everything.

8) Do you believe in eternity love?
In Jesus, yes :D Even when I fall D':

9) What do you do when you feel hurt?
Uhm. Don't know, because I feel the pain only a few days later.. And by then there's nothing much I can do already. D':

10) Who do you want to see right now?
XXX

11) What is the best thing that ever happened in your life?
Hmm. That has yet to come. I just keep procrastinating about it.

12) Why is it difficult to let go of someone you love?
Because... Everything that you have done, and tried to do, has all been accomplished in vain.

13) Will you be moody, sad or ring up your friend?
Depends. I've always got a bimbo around to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once. :D

14) What do you regret most in your life?
Hmm...

15) Do you treasure your family?
>.> Is this a rhetorical question?

16) Are you satisfied with your life now?
Uhm. No.

17) If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
No.

18) Ever had a near death experience?
Yes.

19) Have you ever walked in the rain?
All the time.

20) Have you ever loved someone so much, that you would want to give up everything just for him/her?
... For Jesus, yes. :D My trust lays in Jesus only. Heh.

Tagged:
YOU! D':

I tried to belong, it didn't seem wrong.

Do you got a first aid kit handy?
Do you know how to patch up a wound?
Tell me,
Are you are you patient,
understanding?
Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart and I,
I've tried every remedy,
And nothing seems to work for me.

-

English: Pass
Chinese: Pass
E.maths: Pass
A.maths: Fail
P.chemistry: Pass
P.biology: Pass
Combined Humans(GG/SS): Pass

if i'm dreaming, never wake me up.

Well. Today was rather okay. At first it was REALLY good. And then it got really bad. >.>
I don't know where to start. Spelling bee. I could spell all the words she gave others. And then she gave me a word even she couldn't pronouce. Okay. Never mind. But what the hell, if you see a spelling bee winner that isn't even confident in spelling the word 'assassinate', you'd wanna think again, wouldn't you? I can spell most words, and even Adele is afraid. Like... I don't know. She pronounced it as "ree-kor-ner-ter". I'm guessing she was trying to give me this word "reconnoiter". Even so, the pronounciation of this word is "ree-kuh-noi-ter". She didn't give me the origin of the word. Flying fuck, because if she mentioned it was a word originated from the French, I would bloody know how to spell it. Fuck.
Want to know what I can spell? I bet if she gave me and that winner a contest to see who can spell the most words, I'd probably win. Oh well. Who cares.
I'm exhausted. My head is spinning like crazy. I won't be going to school tomorrow. This is a bloody wordy post. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed. I want to speak to somebody.... Somebody...

I think I'm really losing it... This time... I know why I'm really talking, literally, to myself...


Bye world.

i don't know why you'll never close that open door.

It's Mother's Day today. And I'm helping my friend take care of the lan shop because his shift clashes with his Mother's Day celebration. \: Hmm, not only that, I'm short on cash so I guess I'm helping out too because I need the cash. Sigh.
Looking at the number of customers now, I doubt I'll have enough money T_T So I don't know what to get for my mother now! Because I still need around $14 more... Not as if I can scam out that much money today.
It's a 50-50 chance on the shop being crowded, because the exams are over AND it's Mother's Day. So... >.> Well I still think that they won't be that many customers... :( I'm trying to get people who aren't bothered about celebrating Mother's Day or aren't obligated to, to come down to the lan to accompany me :)

Let's just hope that I will get enough today. >.
Currently working alone >.> With like. Only 4 people in the shop. Oh darn!

why can't i turn off the radio?

Mehz. I'm getting bored my seeing this blogskin. But I have no inspiration for patience in making a new one. So... >.> Nah, I won't settle for any on blogskins.com because somebody else may have it, and it'll turn out to be so LOSER please.

I was thinking, when I grow up I might be a psychologist. Yeah, you must be thinking that I'm crazy... Don't worry, I think I'm crazy enough to have such an ambition because I so totally didn't expect this idea. But look, I want to take psychology after leaving secondary school... >.> Even though it's not what I really wanna be... I guess I'll just have to go with the flow. Not as if I don't like studying why people behave in certain ways.

And then I was thinking again, when I grow up I want to own either a Golden Retriever, German Shepherd, Border Collie or Egyptian Mau. I know Egyptian Mau is so out of the list but it is SUCH a charming cat. And in order to own these big dogs, I must live in a bungalow because such big dogs aren't allowed in stupid small houses. Hah. Which means that I have to earn big bucks. I don't mind; if I get to have such dogs.

Which then led me to think, when I grow up I want to have the freedom to do anything I want without any limits. I know this is starting to sounds like that stupid bank commercial (which one was it again?) but... You know some times people tell you that in order to fully play a game, you have to finish the game first. Isn't it so much like life? When you have fully built your foundation, then can you enjoy it. Well... This pretty much applies to the context in Singapore. \: And maybe other places.

A-ha, and I am still thinking, when I grow up, even if I have all this, would I have achieved anything? Would there be anyone who would remember me? Though I don't like to make that many friends, I do hope that that little group will remember me. It'd be a shame if they wouldn't. I know that making many many many friends is what everyone wishes for but apparently, not for me. I don't like getting so attached to so many people because... I can't give all of them a piece of me.

You can think of me as an idiot, but what matters is that this time, I've been true to myself, and that there were no hidden meanings. Big and wild dreams, aspirations, whatever you wanna call it, as long as you stop lying to yourself, no matter what people think of you, as long as you stop running and hiding, there is nothing to be afraid of. :)

-

Now. I am so lazy to upload the photos of the ECP outing with some people on 6th May after the last exam from the Mid-Year Examinations!

By the way, listen up. To all the people out there, from anywhere and everywhere, WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK IF YOU DIDN'T MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR THIS EXAM? Because all you have to do, is to just pass and get promoted, so that you can take the BIG exams! Make sure you understand the topic, if you don't you'd better clarify it before all your queries accumulate and AHH! suddenly the exams come and yeah, you know, that.

Don't take my advice seriously, because this only works for people who can afford to slack in class and still pass in the exams without studying much. Like me. =.= With my super cool marks. I'll consider on letting anybody know my oh so super pwnsome marks. Haha.

it's so contagious; i cannot get it out of my mind.

So in the end, I still had lunch with Darling's family on Saturday. On that very fateful day, I also forgot to bring my keys out, OH, what joy. Decided to head down to Darling's lan but some idiot guy, I shall not mention who, psycho-ed me into heading to town to see him. Oh, which he called off the last minute when I was on the highway to town, OH, what coolness.
Oo-kay. So I went down to dbg to find Andrea. I bought her Mrs. Field's cookies. Yep, 3 cookies.. :3 Haha. So I wasted around 3-4 hours travelling to town, finding people and heading to Darling's lan. Aa-ha.
That super nice yoyo-jie was working. It's kind of sad for her... The people who work other shifts have people to accompany them but she doesnt... >.> So when I was done with my fun in the lan, I bought her a tube of chocolates to accompany her :D Woo. At least she gets to munch on something sweet. :) I'm such a thoughtful person, aren't I?
*sighs* >.> The exams are nearly over. I think I'm done for, this time. Therefore, the wordy post with a sarcastic tone. Or anything you wanna think about this. I haven't really been doing much with my life. Just praying hard about my walk with Jesus, which I haven't really been keeping up to. >.> Feel like so bad now. >.> Oh dear.

& remember me tonight, when you're asleep.

HAPPY 4TH MONTH, DARLING. :)
HAPPY 8TH MONTH, FWB. :)

Yep, it's labour day today! Marks the month of being together again. :) I haven't been talking much to my FWB for quite some time... Gomen! >.< But then again... ^_^

I was supposed to go over to Darling's place for lunch today but apparently *something* happened so we decided to eat out. :) Yay, I've got myself a new PURPLE comb and a new PURPLE mirror and a new PINK handphone charm. Heh. ^_^v

Darling came to CWP and then decided that we should eat at Sakae Sushi. :o Haha, I kinda forgot one of the dishes's names.. ^_^"



Come to think of it... I wonder how many times have we fell out... :o Because after everything, we still stick together... Hmm. We have known each other for say, a year or more? before doing anything much. Heh, I know, we're cool. <3

I love you too much, dar. I'm starting to miss you a lot =.="









& loved;


-

By the way, here are two books I recommend you readers to read. 'My Sister's Keeper' and 'Mercy', both by Jodi Picoult. These two books are like, her best, in my opinion. Maybe 'Vanishing Acts' too, because there are many, MANY, so many that I cannot stress this enough, types of ways to start your essays by the theme.

'Three months ago, if you asked me, I would have told you that if you really loved someone, you'd let them go. But now I look at you, and I dream about Maggie, and I see that I've been wrong. If you really love someone, Allie, I think you have to take them back.'

Page 374, Jamie MacDonald, Mercy by Jodi Picoult.

My mother moves so fast I do not even see it coming. But she slaps my face hard enough to make my head snap backwards. She leaves a print that stains me long after it's faded. Just so you know: shame is five-fingered.

Page 54, Anna Fitzgerald, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult.

What if a giant funnelweb spider crawled out of that hole over your head and bit you on the neck? What if the only antidote for venom was locked up in a vault on the top of a mountain? What if you lived through the bite, but could only move your eyelids and blink out an alphabet? It doesn't really matter how far you go; the point is that it's a world of possibility. Kids think with their brains cracked wide open; becoming an adult, I've decided, is only a slow sewing shut.

Page 299, Anna Fitzgerald, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult.

I don't know why it's called "getting lost." Even when you turn down the wrong street, when you find yourself at the dead end of a chain-link fence or a road that turns to sand, you are somewhere. It just isn't where you expected to be.

Page 85, Cordelia Hopkins, Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult.