you can choose not to blame me, but you can't stop me from blaming myself. i know i've let you down countless times since the day we met, i'll never be able to satisfy your standards. this letter of apology will probably not mean a thing to you...
i'm sorry i lied about the pride i never had... i'm sorry i still never opened up fully to you. i'm still afraid of the world, even my mother doesn't know me anymore. i know you probably don't trust me anymore, not anything that i say... it's okay... but i will never stop loving you, like i did, from the start, as i promised you eternity. you can let me go, but i'll never let you go.
i'm sorry i shook it too hard, i never thought it'd result in a fall. i didn't mean to drop it, i didn't... i'm sorry i didn't hold it properly enough, i'm sorry that was a promise i wasn't able to fulfil.
i know no amount of apology could probably make up for this, and i'm disgusted at how i let my 400+odd days of fixing you up got trashed in a second. i'm sorry i don't even treasure myself that much. i... am still trying to love myself.
i'll always be the ugly duckling that'll never grow up, and i'll die alone. i don't see myself anywhere past 17.
"i never meant the things i said to make you cry, can i say i'm sorry?
it's hard to forget, and yes i regret, all these mistakes."
sorry this letter is all about "i" and myself defending myself... it's just that... i don't know how else should i open up. do you really want to see what's inside of me? do you? i will, just give me time. i'm still ashamed of who i really am inside. but if you want to i will. i'll do anything for you, if you ask. but ... i won't let you know how much misery i am in, no matter how much pain i'm going through.. i will never let you know... until i can take it no more ...
i shall shed away all the pride i have, until the core. and if i don't, you can choose to reprimand me in anyway you want. i'm a horrible person, worser than you. i just never told you.
there will be no end to this, but... i just want to let you know that i still love you. you can choose to think i'm a hypocrite, a liar, a charlaten... anything. all i know is that, i really do love you. and i mean it, from the bottom of my heart.
my heart is probably hollow... but now it's more than half filled. i want to believe it. i want to.
if i have to suffer a damnation of luck, i will. because i really love you.
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