what hurts the most, was being so close.

i'm kind of very pissed now. i shall not say why. my headache's only making it worse. AND i'm emoing pretty badly now.
usually when my music player plays that particular ddr song, i don't get affected by it. but today, it hit me hard. so. i am in a very bad mood now. not say bad... just foul.

Blind Justice

"When, and where has thou art love gone?"
Her soul cries out, but to no avail.
A heart now, grief-ridden, is once again born,
Such intricate it twines, oh the little details.

Let's just pretend that we are together,
Because I wanna spend the night with you.
It's obvious we won't last, let alone forever,
But I wanted to try it, and I wanted you.

That night you asked me out alone,
I knew better than to test the water - still..
If only I had of myself, a clone,
So many little sins, I wish I could kill.

To think I felt like this, for you,
To think your words could even melt.
If only I had the strength to, instead, melt you,
I wouldn't have even, for you this much, felt.

(c)-tsukiyume2008

I can't rhyme this one.. My head's spinning.
Here's to the tears I shed for him, here's to the night we were so alive. Here's to the things we did in the blue of the night, here's to the feelings so real, they felt. This is to ___ D':

* * *

Today, Lydia and I went out. :] If you guys can guess where did we go and what did we do, specifically, i will treat you to macs:D hehe. haha.
Minigame included too! :D guess where each one of the photos was taken, or what is in the picture! :D

Let's GUESS. :]


Picture 1:

Clue: I am on my way to ______ - taken this picture on the transport :D


Picture 2:

Clue: What is this! Specify whose item and the unique-ity of it :D


Picture 3:

Clue: I am still on my way there! - taken this picture while waiting .....


Picture 4:

Clue: Woo! I'm already there! :D But where!


Picture 5:

Clue: This is making things quite obvious! :D Where am i?


Picture 6:

Clue: Ohmy! This is really obvious now! Where am i and what did i do, specifically?


Picture 7:

Clue: I am hungry. What did i eat? At where =x


Picture 8:

Clue: Wah lau =x you know where there is dirty water opened to the public..


Picture 9:

Clue: Tell me where do these kinda things reside :D


Picutre 10:

Clue: Yeah, where in Singapore will you find this kind of tiles :D


Picture 11:

Clue: VERY OBVIOUS ALREADY :D


Picture 12:

Clue: You know the tiles :D


Picture 13:

Clue: More tiles :D


Picture 14:

Clue: LMAO. IT'S JUST A CLOSEUP SHOT :D TRY AND GUESS~




Send your answers via my Plugoo messenger :D leave your name and contact number there :D :D haha!
One last word....


* * *

THIS THINGS ROCKS :D


& I HOPE 3e1 WILL BE ALMOST LIKE 2e4 :i



BRENDA :D

when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight.

... and so I ran.
I ran with my bare feet against the cold snow to remind me that the same coldness is hidden in my heart. I ran until my lungs were about to burst, I ran until I could find no more path before me. I ran hoping I would find you in the end.
What a fool I've been.
There has been nothing here but emptiness.

As the gentle autumn breeze find its place in my hair, I close my eyes and smile.. For a moment I thought it was your gentle touch, your lips whispering words of tenderness... however it was nothing but the wind taking away more of me.

Looking up to the sky I glance back to see the crimson trail I've been leaving behind.. Fuck, I hate this weakness.
After a deep breath I decided I shall not miss anything in this life; I shed my skin and give myself in to the darkness that so gently calls my name. It embraces me with its long strong arms and holds me so tightly against it that I lose my last breath crying out your name in pain.

But you'll never hear it.




i believed in us.

this is an intro of me i wrote on my friendster. how true it is, except for the last part which i wrote when i was torn. or at least i thought i was. ~.~ some people keep telling me to break out of that mental barrier... lol.
but still. i feel very :( now. crys.

i am SO lost.

FUCKED
UP




i never placed my trust in anyone,
til the day that i me you.
you caught me open.
and now im bleeding.

i dont know why it happened,
some things just don't have a reason.
now i carry these scars.
for everyone to see.

i never had a perfect flawless body to begin with.
these scars are nothing in comparison to __;
my heart melted.
and its trickling. away.




fuck i hate this weakness.
i hate it.
i hate myself.

i may be emotional but i'm not weak, because it takes a strong person to cry.

ki . se . ki

YESTERDAY WAS ENXIN'S BIRTHDAY.

though things didn't go the way it was planned, we still got our message through. :] haha. happy belated birthday from my blog la, :D

* * *

why is warbook lagging so muchhhhh. this bloody effin guy hit me, so i retaliate and he hit me back, what's his problem? i shall whack his bloody face upside down.

* * *

hello darling, i love you, :D

what's your problem lah, fucking asshole? it's not as if i use the computer every night right? and when i come home late i'm always in my uniform, not in home clothes. it's like you bear a grudge lah. seriously if you wish to disown me, to not acknowledge me as your daughter, i'll be more than happy to agree to it. in fact, i don't mind telling others i never had a father.
look lah, seriously. who's the one using the computer every night? obviously not me right? i'll be too BUSY, studying like some shitass nerd. one day i'm so gonna have mental breakdown or maybe get knocked down by a car while studying and walking and you'll regret it. hmm, actually you won't even regret it lah, you don't have a daughter like me. and i never had a father like you.
all readers out there, this was not said in spite of this so called father of mine. if i couldn't control my temper i would've shouted back at him and probably fist fight with him. i'm very gracious now; i even TALKED out with him and he shouted & hit me back. i didn't retaliate this time. even on weekends i only get to touch the computer on either saturday night or sunday afternoon. i barely use the computer now on weekdays. and i've got a better hold of my vulgarities now, so don't you be coming to lecture me on my language and behavious as a feminine creature because hell, i don't give a fucking damn about this matter anymore. i shall never ever speak to this so called close kin of mine because this is the last straw. i don't care what he thinks, whether he regrets, because whatever he fucking does, i don't really give a shit no more.
i don't even care to even bother to curse him. because it's just a waste of energy. yeah sure you all will say that it's my fault for using the computer and noone gets to use it. hello sir, the one sitting in front of the computer EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL IS NOT ME, it is that so called fucking retard bro of mine SITTING THERE, HIS DAMN ARSE FIXED TO THAT BLOODY STOOL, YAH. DOES THAT RETARD LOOK LIKE ME? like duh, NO. i am so much more like a normal person though there's this really high chance of me not being able to take the stress in school anymore and breaking down soon and probably gonna suffer from some down syndrome shit thing yeah?? damnit! you never even ASK when you want to use the computer. you just come and say, "eh, *******************, i said 3 days ago i want to use the computer." WTF?? 3 days ago i let you use. if you want to use now you can just ask right? dont go like "how many times have i said i want to use the computer?" when you never even breathed a single word about it? then vent your anger on me. what the hell is wrong with you? WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM? GET OFF ME AND FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE! GET OFF MY BACK! BECAUSE I HATE YOU, I DISLIKE YOU, I DETEST YOU, YOUR FACE MAKES ME SICK, I ABHOR YOU.

you know what?
whatever.

because i never had a father.





p/s: i've put up 10 years with him (not counting childhood days because i can barely remember anything). from his derogatory & demoralising words that hurt like a thousand needles pricking at my soul, to the time he whacked me with a hammer (yes he did, i swear my nose almost broke), i never ever had a father like this. i don't give a damn to my childhood because damnnit! i never had one. and now i'm gonna live my teenage life the way i want it, and the way that is right. yes this is the 2nd time i'm gonna try to live my life the correct way, with justin's help and valery, the one who will always motivate me to walk to right way. oh okay, andrea and others too.
p/p/s: many people have told me not to do this to my blog but i have no one else to shout this out to. this blog is probably all that i have left to leave all my troubles on.. justin's busy now, andrea, lydia and jeffrey won't understand, and the others will ask me to talk things out with him but apparently it doesn't work, after numorous tries, but to no avail. back then when i was 8 or sth i started telling people i didn't have a father.. but i gave him a chance when i was 9 and my school mates started trashing my ego so i didn't have choice because i needed sth to blame on, and anyway, i already hated him... i gave him a chance but i didn't really forgive him. i'm trying hard not to hate him, cuz the bible says so... but. he left me with no choice. no don't counter attack me with "you have a choice. you just don't want to use it. or you don't want to face it. or you don't want to get closer back." whatever? it feels bad. because i seriously can't stand talking to him.




yes, i never had a father. and i will not be taking down this post because i mean every single word i typed here. i will not eat my words.