what's your problem lah, fucking asshole? it's not as if i use the computer every night right? and when i come home late i'm always in my uniform, not in home clothes. it's like you bear a grudge lah. seriously if you wish to disown me, to not acknowledge me as your daughter, i'll be more than happy to agree to it. in fact, i don't mind telling others i never had a father.
look lah, seriously. who's the one using the computer every night? obviously not me right? i'll be too BUSY, studying like some shitass nerd. one day i'm so gonna have mental breakdown or maybe get knocked down by a car while studying and walking and you'll regret it. hmm, actually you won't even regret it lah, you don't have a daughter like me. and i never had a father like you.
all readers out there, this was not said in spite of this so called father of mine. if i couldn't control my temper i would've shouted back at him and probably fist fight with him. i'm very gracious now; i even TALKED out with him and he shouted & hit me back. i didn't retaliate this time. even on weekends i only get to touch the computer on either saturday night or sunday afternoon. i barely use the computer now on weekdays. and i've got a better hold of my vulgarities now, so don't you be coming to lecture me on my language and behavious as a feminine creature because hell, i don't give a fucking damn about this matter anymore. i shall never ever speak to this so called close kin of mine because this is the last straw. i don't care what he thinks, whether he regrets, because whatever he fucking does, i don't really give a shit no more.
i don't even care to even bother to curse him. because it's just a waste of energy. yeah sure you all will say that it's my fault for using the computer and noone gets to use it. hello sir, the one sitting in front of the computer EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL IS NOT ME, it is that so called fucking retard bro of mine SITTING THERE, HIS DAMN ARSE FIXED TO THAT BLOODY STOOL, YAH. DOES THAT RETARD LOOK LIKE ME? like duh, NO. i am so much more like a normal person though there's this really high chance of me not being able to take the stress in school anymore and breaking down soon and probably gonna suffer from some down syndrome shit thing yeah?? damnit! you never even ASK when you want to use the computer. you just come and say, "eh, *******************, i said 3 days ago i want to use the computer." WTF?? 3 days ago i let you use. if you want to use now you can just ask right? dont go like "how many times have i said i want to use the computer?" when you never even breathed a single word about it? then vent your anger on me. what the hell is wrong with you? WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM? GET OFF ME AND FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE! GET OFF MY BACK! BECAUSE I HATE YOU, I DISLIKE YOU, I DETEST YOU, YOUR FACE MAKES ME SICK, I ABHOR YOU.

you know what?
whatever.

because i never had a father.





p/s: i've put up 10 years with him (not counting childhood days because i can barely remember anything). from his derogatory & demoralising words that hurt like a thousand needles pricking at my soul, to the time he whacked me with a hammer (yes he did, i swear my nose almost broke), i never ever had a father like this. i don't give a damn to my childhood because damnnit! i never had one. and now i'm gonna live my teenage life the way i want it, and the way that is right. yes this is the 2nd time i'm gonna try to live my life the correct way, with justin's help and valery, the one who will always motivate me to walk to right way. oh okay, andrea and others too.
p/p/s: many people have told me not to do this to my blog but i have no one else to shout this out to. this blog is probably all that i have left to leave all my troubles on.. justin's busy now, andrea, lydia and jeffrey won't understand, and the others will ask me to talk things out with him but apparently it doesn't work, after numorous tries, but to no avail. back then when i was 8 or sth i started telling people i didn't have a father.. but i gave him a chance when i was 9 and my school mates started trashing my ego so i didn't have choice because i needed sth to blame on, and anyway, i already hated him... i gave him a chance but i didn't really forgive him. i'm trying hard not to hate him, cuz the bible says so... but. he left me with no choice. no don't counter attack me with "you have a choice. you just don't want to use it. or you don't want to face it. or you don't want to get closer back." whatever? it feels bad. because i seriously can't stand talking to him.




yes, i never had a father. and i will not be taking down this post because i mean every single word i typed here. i will not eat my words.