i've never felt like this before.

help. i don't know. i really don't know. i'm feeling so upset. i've never been this upset before. it's even worser than a heartache. i don't know what to feel!
HELP.

* * *


it's been a really long time since i wrote a song.. \: i'm really this fucking depressed to write a song. usually i'll just put it in a poem.. but... this is some kind of feeling i've never felt before.. or maybe it's been too long since i felt like this.. omg.. (actually i know why.. but i refuse to admit it... >.> i'm falling apart...)
... i shan't bother to fight for happiness anymore. it doesn't look good on me either.

i'm not okay, i promise.

* * *

Portrait of a Lonely Girl
image by: shamelessidiocy
lyrics by: dinah



verse1:
the pieces of the puzzle are all coming together now,
& she finally sees his denial as a light bringer.
back when he helped her stand on her own two feet,
she yearned to be like him someday.

verse2:
now she has a case like hers, & without thinking
he was off in her care, his way to the light.
ne'er thought she'd see the day where she will walk out,
just like how the previous one did.

prechorus:
i guess she finally accepted the truth that
she doesn't belong.
& strange as it sounds, she
can't help herself.

chorus:
she wants so much to feel wanted, needed.
why can she help others but not herself?
drifting around will probably break her down further
but there are some times where
choices never existed, & just like this
to be forgotten is inevitable.

verse3:
it's just a matter of time before she's obliterated,
& soon, it will be too late when they remember.
her existence so minute, so meaningless...
but this path she has chosen... she can't regret.

prechorus:
i guess she finally believes that
it's reality, so cold.
& fourteen years has been a time too long
for her to realise.

chorus:
why is it so hard to help one's ownself?
she can't keep running; her bones they ache.
complaints are no excuse;
she has accepted her fate..
there are choices, but not everyone has them.
tell me now, where do you go,
when you have gone too far?

bridge:
her feelings are never shown,
her dreams are always shattered.
she's slowly losing it, she can't keep up with everyone.
she really doesn't belong,
she's slowly losing faith,
fallen from grace, & drifting too far out...

chorus:
she wants to belong, but she has no choice
for path she has taken is of no return.
the meaning to live has changed too much,
for her to even choose which one.
is it really that hard, to be..
what she has chosen?

chorus:
i tried to ease the atmosphere in the way i know best.
wil i always be called a retard for that?
worthless, pathetic, stupid, careless..
why is it so hard to be me?
does no one know what it even feels like
to be a light bringer?
will anyone ever know what it feels like
to be me?

closing:
by the time i'm done with
helping you,
it will be too late to turn back
to find me...
because you would've already
forgotten me.


* * *

"open your eyes, & look outside,
FIND THE REASON WHY..
you've been rejected.
& now you can't find,
WHAT YOU'VE LEFT BEHIND."

nobody's home
avril lavigne