read a few jokes that cracked me up today... woohaha...

why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? -it was dead
why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? -it was stapeled to the first
why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? -peer pressure
why did the fourth squirrel fall out of the tree? -thought it was a game
wy did the tree fall over? -it thought it was a squirrel
why did the man die? -cuz 4 squirrels and a tree fell on his head!

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Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think"
Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"
Teacher: "Sure."
Little Johnny: "There are three women at the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"
Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."
Little Johnny; "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."

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There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

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A white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here..."
The Black man turned around and stood up.
He then said, "Listen Bitch...
When i was born, i was BROWN,
when i grew up, i was BROWN,
when i'm sick, i'm BROWN,
when i go in the sun i'm BROWN,
when i'm cold, i'm BROWN,
when i die, i'll be BROWN,
But you Bitch...
when you're born, you're PINK,
when you grow up, you're WHITE,
when you're sick, you're GREEN,
when you go in the sun, you turn RED,
when you're cold, you turn BLUE,
And when you die, you turn PURPLE,
And you have the nerve to call me colored?"