moved; omgwtfbbqkthnxbye

there are a million things going through a girl's mind when she's silent.

2008-10-14T18:19:00.003+08:00

that girl is so dangerous,

2008-10-13T19:03:00.002+08:00

Where have all the good people gone? I've been flipping channels on the telly but I don't see them. Where are all the promises we made to each other, everyone of you? Where has everything, we all once planned foolishly while we were sober, gone? Where is everyone going to? Why are you all leaving me alone?

The four of you, out of which one of you has changed so much, I don't recognise you anymore, and the another following along, blinded by the patterns of this world so much that you don't see where you've strayed. We all promised we'd be there for each other, but it's now only the three of us. Why have both of you left? Are we the only ones waiting?

The three of you, who once said that you will never forget my existence, but you don't bother maintaining it. Where have you gone to? Are you going to let the events of yesterday ruin the chance which God has gave us to meet? Why are we all scattered and forgotten in each other's mind?

That bunch of you, always leaving it to the few of us to get things done. We know you look to us as leaders, but why are you all throwing all the burden on us when we are much able to pull through this together as one? Where are all the bonds?

All that's left are broken promises, squeezing the fulfilled promises through the spaces between my fingers. What are you all doing - trying to smother the life out of me?

So I guess that's it - the only people that need me in their life are those that prove they need me in theirs. People are going to want me, need me, exceed me, take me, love me, hate me, play me, rate me, save me and break me. but that's what makes me, me. And if you don't like it, there's nothing I can do. Newsflash idiot, I don't live to please you.

darling, it's better. down where it's wetter - take it from me.

2008-10-08T14:21:00.006+08:00

EIGHT PAPERS DOWN, THREE MORE TO GO.

actually, the exams aren't really that hard and scary. it's just the imagining part. the studying part sucks (yes i know) but when you take the paper, it's like a breeze and then the bell goes. everything is over before you know it!

apologies to my dear readers (which i think have all disappeared after my long break without notices or whatever but i don't think anyone cares) who have been constantly coming back but the impending dread of not seeing any new posts keeps you from coming back to check! but fret not, for i am back!

must i mention that i think i love my class? somehow, unknowingly and unconsciously, we have all bonded so well together, it's as if nothing can tear us apart! and the difference is there when we are not together as a class!

i guess it must be the stress hitting me~ heh. this is the first time i've really studied for the exams! and my hand's hurting a lot. =_= i think my hand'll probably be dead by the time everything ends. i wanna go for a massage! my right shoulder is getting real stressed and i need to do something about it :( even the shoulder bone hurts ;( somebody accompany me to do massage please :)

p/s: I MISS JEFFREY! :(

There is nothing to fear, for i am right beside you; for all my life i am yours.

2008-09-25T20:45:00.003+08:00

Okay, sheesh with the title! What About Now by Daughtry is stuck in my head! (What's with the capitalisation?) The EOYs are coming!

...

The EOYs are coming!
The EOYs are coming!
The EOYs are coming!

...

Lol, I have nothing to say about it. Actually, I have nothing to update my blog with! Or maybe I should add just some lame stuff about what's happening... ~~But there's nothing...~~

IMO, my class is just getting weirder by the day -.- I thought my class would be oh-so-cool for a 3e1 class but then I ~~just recently~~ noticed how my class looks like from far when we have a test on that day - everyone holding notes/textbooks together! O-m-f-g I so love my class :)

And and and Galton is so cute please. He's so straightforward in a way that makes you just wanna laugh. I don't know how to explain it to you but he gives you the weirdest answers to normal questions like, "It taste alkaline." -.-! So love him la. And then there's another time (which so happened to be yesterday) I sat beside him in Chemistry class (because Qutub-the-barbarian tried to piss Ruilin off at my seat). So Ruilin asked me to go back to my seat but Qutub-the-barbarian wouldn't let me! So we decided to ask Galton.

"Eh, Galton, who do you think should move?" Qutub-the-barbarian asked.

"I don't want to sit with Qutub! Get him away from me!" Ruilin-the-damsel-in-distress cried.

*Silence for a full minute as Galton copies the answers to the Chemistry worksheet that has just been flashed*

*Looks up*

"I want to go to the toilet. Anyone went to the toilet?" Galton-my-best-friend-suddenly replied.

And here comes the epic headslap by Qutub-the-barbarian and some random laughter. I told him to just go to the toilet, just tell the teacher that it was urgent but he continued copying his notes. I don't know what's with him but he just had to say this,

"My leg shaking already." ~~meaning he's very urgent.. imo.~~

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FTW WHY DID I SEE IF IT WAS SHAKING? GALTON IS SUPER CUTE LA.

Must I mention too that Qutub has been a barbarian for the past 3 days in class? Ever since I asked him about some gaming stuff, he's been "Ugah-ugah"-ing at me in class... Because he's played a barbarian character on the game so... he believes it is okay to be one IRL. O-k-a-y. That's not the worse part. He does it to my chinese teacher and often gets seen by our other subject teachers when he does that "Ugah-ugah" shit. Hahaha.

So love my funky class. Cute, weird and crazy people. Not to forget Brenda-the-bimbo-bitch.

i won't cross the streets until you hold my hand.

2008-09-17T17:32:00.006+08:00

djmax2 portable; more than just a game

-

okokay, i know i had a long dinner :x and here are the pictures. :) sorry i only took so little, what do you expect?

i went to school on my birthday FIFTEENTH OF SEPTEMBER TYVM(yes i'm a cool nerd) and not surprisingly, not much people remembered my birthday. especially those whom i expected to remember, didn't. <_< those i didn't expect any from, remembered. how awesome is that. (which proves that i only have so little true friends.)

angela gave me a handphone strap-thingy with my name on it :D and the first to wish me a happy birthday! hawhaw. veronica & yingxuan gave me this super huge deck of poker cards -.- slightly larger than two decks placed side-by-side. so awesome.

qutub, brenda, adele and i went to have a go at those super huge cards, and angela sat by and watched after school. we had to ask qutub to shuffle the cards because we have small hands. :x though we tried, but yeah you get the drift.

after that, angela and i went down to the canteen to slack, while supposedly waiting for justin but something cropped up, so we made a move first and met him at woodlands station. :x he got me a dress, THAT super awesome dress! ~~from bodyline omfg and you can click on the peekcture.~~

we went home together and i showered and changed clothes, and i don't know why i looked so classy -.-v oh wells.

he brought me to earle's swensons for dinner and the soup of the day was awesome, hurhur. i was freezing the whole time in vivo because my shirt's material was superbly thin. AWESOME.

after that we went to watch MAMMA MIA! and the show was awesome! though it's a musical and the music is like so yesterday, the show just made everything so spectacular! :x go watch it mans.

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

we walked around in vivo before heading back homeee. fweeeeeeee. but i'm at a loss of what to do on my darling's birthday now. BEST. i can't possibly do all this for him -.- this is for a girl.

MEH.

baby, you got the keys,

2008-09-16T17:54:00.004+08:00

hi. i am hungry and am awaiting dinner. roar.
anyway, while looking through my email, i found some crap. hawhawhaw. :D

-

It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365 days.
Typical academic year for a student:

1. Sundays - 52 Sundays in a year, you know Sundays, are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays - 50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep - 130 days GONE.
Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing - (good for health) means 15 days.
Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing) - means 30 days.
Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal) -> means 15 days.
Days left 81
7. Exam days - per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, half yearly and festival (holidays) - 40 days.
Days left 6.
9. For sickness - at least 3 days.
Days left 3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days.
1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on that day?!
Balance = 0
How can a student pass?

-

and yup. yesterday was a super nice day (other than it being my birthday). i'm gonna go have my dinner and update with the pictures later. ^o^~~

i've built a wall not to block anyone out... but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.

2008-09-13T21:07:00.010+08:00

just venting my anger

-

sorry vivian, put your aeroplane today. i will make it up to you one day. i promise.

i sent vivian an aeroplane because i really needed to see the pannier and guess what? *drumrolls* it's $7x! *creepy sound effect coming on* i will get it, but i have to convince qutub & brenda not to get me into their $100 plan because T^T i really want it, me-h.

so i went to far east with andrea and lydia. andrea said she looked trashy (lol i think so too) so we saved her with some cotton on cardigan and flip flops. the receipt was super long haha and super cool, so i took it. :x then we went down and saw my pannier. \(=T^T=)/

after that we went down to plaza singapura so collect something but it wasn't there! so we went to flash&splash to look at my skirt but andrea and i got distracted by caps! omfg and lydia bought that cap for me as my birthday present. LOVE YOU LYDIEEEEEE! ~~and i lent it to andrea for today because she was so noisy~~

then lydia went home, and andrea and i went to bugis because andrea wanted to get a dont-know-what-shirt-for-some-dont-know-what-reason. but it wasn't there! she was so sad. and before we went home, we went to diva and got this "best friends" locket! she took "friends" so i got "best". *shrugs* because we'll prolly be getting a "best friends forever" with lydia haha. (though i should get it with hannah and valery ._.)

oh lols. how many necklaces did i have today...
1 long guitar necklace... 1 cross necklace... another cross necklace andrea lent me... and the "best friends" locket... :D omfg. hahaha.

and... some shit happened and now i'm so fucken hungry because i've got no dinner. ~~ tralala, i SO love myself.

p/s: went to make my i.c. on friday! ~~still have to wait until 20th october to get it. grr~~ this counter person, nur fahzilla saved my life! hoho! she saved my passport photo and omfg, my i.c. picture is gonna be so awesome! special thanks to randy baa baa. love you two so much!

-

ANDREA&LYDIA,
thanks for being my unbiological sisters!

-

[edit]
went bloghopping for a while and then compared it to darling's and my blog. read it somewhere in Cecelia Ahern's `If You Could See Me Now`, something like "when we try to simplify things, sometimes we just complicate it further."
yes i'm very happy to be with darling but... i don't know! i'm not expecting it, but... what you write on your blog... you seem very unsatisfied and shit.. I DONT FUCKING KNOW!

anyway! some very long-time-ago little brother from maple just talked to me, telling me he's super happy that he's a christian! so love him la. he's so sweet. he still remembers me, calls me jie -.-" and so happy that he's happy he's a christian! L-O-V-E-D. ^_^

close your eyes, and dream.

2008-09-09T22:49:00.002+08:00

hello world. welcome back to school and to the start of term 4. (please clap) this signals the end of all the fun and the start of all the mugging, so if you haven't bought a mug yet, please do so because we will all be mugging soon. more than words sells pretty nice mugs so do take a look if you've got time.

alright! what was that, i don't know but... yup why am i spending time to blog now? *shrugs* instead of studying for my maths test tomorrow, i can't believe i spent 2 hours (again) to do mulberry painting! the last time i did cross stitching of the virgo star sign... now it's a painting of the african elephant in the sunset... :x i'll take a picture and upload it soon. :x

can't say today was a bad day... since we played taiti in chinese class today! and this time we didn't have to draw out fake cheapo poker cards because i brought mine! (omgz) and the relief teacher is super funky luh. instead of making us do the homework he taught us how to play the indian poker! LOL, he's super cute i tell you.

it goes like, everyone takes a card but don't look! and sticks it on your forehead. then the other people will have to try and convince you to put down your card because the person with the smallest card at the end of the game (2 diamonds) lose and will have to do something stupid. and yup, if the person does so, you can take his/her card. alternatively you can just put down your card and take a new one from the pile.

don't know why it's entertaining but yeah, play it in a big group and you'll know why. ha ha ha. rather fruitful day today i guess! except that darling didn't reply my message and i am so :( now! :( :( :( sad face spam.

never mind \: i shall go continue my paint. tralala. :( :( :(

what about now? what about today?

2008-09-05T01:27:00.002+08:00

tralala.

-

reason for lack of updates:
1. lazy
2. find no need to
3. busy
4. too much to be completed in one day
5. who cares

-

i can't believe i'm almost sick. *frowns* i just screamed the wrong way and now my throat's hurting like fuck. now i'm feeling all feverish and weak and all the funny things x_x let's just hope i'll make it through the day without anything bad happening... ~~like last year..~~

oh wells. nice update huh. nothing much happening already. \: going back to my plain old life with me blending in with the multitudes and whatever else. ttfn.

Shoot for the moon! If you miss you will still be among the stars.

2008-08-30T00:04:00.010+08:00

credits to: sooper deviant

*yawn* here we go again. ~~

Your Own MIRACLE - Ruby Tuesday [DJMAX PORTABLE 2 Opening Theme]
Lyrics & Vocal by Christine Jones

Close your eyes.. Take some time just to center your soul and be at one..
With the sky.. You can fly if you unfurl your wings to face the sun..
In your mind, You will find all the power you need to get things done..
And your dreams.. They can seem like mere shadows of brighter days to come...

Shoot for the moon!!
If you miss you will still be among the stars..
Don't ever stop!!
If you never give up you are guaranteed to go far..

Be your very own miracle..
You can win a race standing still.. Go on! (Go on!)
Pick those beautiful feel up from off the floor rise and soar..
Be your very own miracle..
Just believe you can, and you will.. Have faith! (Have faith!)
Every goal that you make is a chain you break to set your spirit free!

Every page you have turned in this book of your life has led you here..
Every step that you take you grow closer to conquering your fear..

Dreams can come true!!
but they depend on you and how strong you are..
Don't ever stop!!
If you never give up you are guaranteed to go far..

Be your very own miracle..
You can win a race standing still.. Go on! (Go on!)
Pick those beautiful feel up from off the floor rise and soar..
Be your very own miracle..
Just believe you can, and you will.. Have faith! (Have faith!)
Every goal that you make is a chain you break to set your spirit free!

i've been onto the opening song for djmax portable 2 lately. i don't know why but i just love it. :) the week is finally over and the ~~dreaded~~ annual competition draws closer. oh well, this is the last one i'm gonna have so i might as well enjoy it ^____^

can't say that the past week has been rather fruitful... but time was pretty well-spent. and sul said ced's birthday is coming up. :o and... :D okay stuff's gonna happen, hopefully i'll be able to get photos from tomorrow to update my blog soon :D

njrc presentation of 2008 was very well done; good job team! sorry for being a horrible leader, but you must understand that i only work at my best under pressure, :x it's true! <3 now on, we just have to work hard on our robot and booth! and then we can chiong for our EOYs and... start on the Os. ~~woots. lovely schedule. can see so far ahead. yay.~~

nothing much to talk about this week. and you can probably ignore my previous snap. ~~gingersnap cookies, mm.~~ so happy that somebody's into my flmp girl tee and some random heart-with-wings-print tee. earning monieh (at least for now) and... yay. into something else now. if you see someone dressed really different from the world, that could be me. :) but not in the meantime. i'm waiting for my lovely shoes. lovely lovely.

-

52 confessions :D

1. The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
{ ~~pleasedon'tring,pleasedon'tring,pleasedon'tring...~~ usually no one. :)

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
{ tuh-duh!i have a mini cart at home on display already. :x

3. If you had to kiss again the last person you kissed, would you?
{ Y-U-P.

4. Do you take compliments well?
{ of course, definitely!

5. Do you play Sudoku?
{ er yes.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive?
{ um. it it's like the show 'lost', i'll prolly be the first few to die. :(

7. If your house were on fire, what would be the things you would save?
{ handphone, psp, ez-link card and IC.

8. Who was the last person you slept in the bed with?
{ darling.

9. Who do you text the most?
{ er.. darling and lydia.

10. Favorite children's book?
{ little mermaid.

11. Eye color?
{ brownish-black.

12. How tall are you?
{ 5 feet tall

13. If you could do it over again,start from scratch, would you?
{ no.

14. Any secret admirers?
{ yes :D darling lor.

15. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
{ huh what -

16. Favorite place..?
{ in darling's room.

17. Where was the farthest place you've been?
{ la la land. :D

18. Do you like mustard?
{ um no.

19. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
{ sleep!

21. Do you miss anyone?
{ YES.

22. Can you do split?
{ no. -.-v

23. What movie do you want to see?
{ wall-e! (for now)

24.What did you do for New Year's Eve?
{ stone with darling and some other people.

25.Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
{ um yes.

26. Favourite movie?
{ 10 promises to my dog!

27. Was your mom a cheerleader?
{ HAHAHAHA no.

28. What's the last letter of your middle name?
{ E. (trouble)

29. Favourite action?
{ walking.

30. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
{ around 3-4. :D

31. Favourite word?
{ AWESOME.

32. Favourite day of the week?
{ thursday, the slackest day ever.

33. Current activity?
{ typing and singing. :x

34. Person on your mind?
{ darling :x

35. What do you wear to sleep?
{ normal clothes lor..

36. Colour of your shirt now?
{ black!

37. Is your hair straight or curly?
{ straight, like baby hair.

38. Colour of your handphone?
{ black.

39. Last thing you bought?
{ something for darling. cannot say now because haven't give yet. haha.

40. Do you like funny or serious people better?
{ neither. D:

41. Current pencilbox brand?
{ nici -.-

42. What is on your mind right now?
{ psp song. :D

43. Any plans 4 tonight?
{ yes. baking :x

44.Whats your fav. song at the moment?
{ Ruby Tuesday's Your Own Miracle

45. Do you hate chocolate?
{ okay-okay. :x i prefer oreo!

46. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
{ rights.

47. Are you a gullible person?
{ to some extent lor.

48. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
{ no ah, but when the time comes, you'll be happier :D

49. If you could have any job what would it be?
{ graphologist/psychologist. both also can.

50. Are you easy to get along with?
{ to some extent.. usually no with strangers :D

51. What is your favorite time of day?
{ when everyone is high! :x

52. Are you generally a happy person?
{ okay-okay la. :D

big FUCK.

2008-08-26T22:07:00.005+08:00

fuck this fucking computer. fuck it upside down. it was working perfectly fine on monday and i could fucking plug in my phone. now this fucking computer does not fucking recognise it. guess what?- i've been bloody fucking plugging it in the past half hour. fuck this fucking computer.
best part yet. i go off to my fucking room to do a fucking word search puzzle so that my fucking phone can get fucking connected to the computer and this fucking bastard tell me "switch off the computer if you're not using it" when the fucking monitor obviously shows LOADING. then when i go to use the fucking computer that fucking bastard go switch off the fucking light at the computer. i know my eyes are too fucking good so it can probably continue on staring at some fucking screen and it won't spoil. still not enough, he continues to fucking annoy me by making me go around the fucking house turning off every single bloody switched on lights that aren't in fucking use. you have a pair of bloody legs go fucking switch it off yourself! oh my fucking gee why is it always me?
awesomest part ever. i sit down to play the fucking psp game for 10 minutes and then somebody else fucking comes over and tells me to stop being so fucking "addicted" to it when i've only played it today for 10 minutes? i just got so fucking bored/pissed/angry/etc to continue my work so i decided to fucking relax on a game and look what i fucking got.

ARGH. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE I LIVE IN. PISS ME OFF EVERY FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING SECOND. I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP IN PEACE WITHOUT ANYONE TRYING TO MAKE ME SWITCH OFF THE FUCKING LIGHT OR WHATEVER ELSE IN THE FUCKING P-L-A-C-E!

F U C K .

da da da da daaaa da da da da da daaaaaa.

2008-08-25T21:15:00.003+08:00

{/EDIT@11.33pm

OMG, MY BLOG FINALLY LOOKS SO MUCH CLEANER. WOOOTS.

-

HELLO ALL. it's so rare that i update my blog in <5 days right! well i guess it's because i'm lazy to plug in my phone or i'm lazy to find a picture to decorate or maybe i just want to rant things out. hoho. except that i have nothing to rant out. so yup, you just got a whole load of crap >:}

alright! moving on! i have found a picture to decorate my empty post. seems like i can't go off on a wordy post without pictures! *beams*

weeeeeeelllllll. i don't know what's with the random picture but i guess i'm too used to having a picture to go with a wordy post, like peanut butter and jelly always seems to go well (not that i eat them, but yeah.) and so the final result like this. xD

oh, if you're wondering what's with the dadadada-crap as my title, it's the song for the advertisement for the supermother show on channel 8. it's kinda stuck in my head... along with the song for the canon advertisement -.-v what's with my head mans.

*thinks* i do have something to rant, but it doesn't seem right so... let's go google jokes.... ^_^ adele's jokes are awesome - hardcore manxzxzxxzxzxzxzx.

was it you who spoke the words that, things would happen but not to me?

2008-08-23T20:53:00.006+08:00

~~hoho! djmax2portable rocks my smelly socks!~~

watching the olympics now. i am so amazed at how the world comes together to fight without weapons. or at least on the screen. it's like everyone's so united. or at least most of the world population. you can exclude all those at war and bla bla bla. not amazed anymore. naivete.

anyway! the past week has been really fun! and when i say fun, i really mean hardcore fun alright! hardcore fun = no evil voice telling you to skip school. woots! i don't really remember everything that happened this week but overall, it rocked so much. :}

on wednesday, brenda and izzuan had a bet on whether ~~miss~~ madam zuraidah would be in school today and brenda lost! the forfeit was... she had to be a vegetarian for 1 week! hoho, like she became one for seven days -.- only three! maybe two. B-O-O!

charles's bottle suicided. :(

-

random pictures.

what if one day you wake up, and find that you're missing me,

2008-08-15T21:06:00.003+08:00

RAH. I GOT MYSELF HYPED UP FOR SOMETHING WHICH ENDED UP TO ME MISREADING THAT @!#* THING! NOW I AM SO @!#($%^&!)#!_#$)^*

anyway, yes that picture is clickable so, click on it if you don't get the joke.

-

OMG

EXAMS ARE OVER! Though it's only CT2, but heck! :D Overall, I am confident that I'm flunking chinese and chemistry.. and that I'll pass english, maths, combined humans and bio. :D Can't wait for the results! LOVED.

cuz if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,

2008-08-13T18:07:00.013+08:00

i guess today was pretty scary.

we had combined humans test today and everybody kinda like freaked out. everyone was like "if northern ireland comes out, i laugh." "if sri lanka comes out, i laugh." "if britain comes out, i laugh even harder." -_-
seriously, my class laughs at EVERYTHING. xD i guess geography was okay, but ss was like, MAD. adele screamed that it was northern ireland when she peeped at the question and everybody went O_O on the spot, LOL. my class is SO LOVED. :D

anyway. not a really eventful day ~_~ and there's maths and chemistry test tomorrow, so, good luck peeps! let's own the moles, metals, acids and bases together! along with circles and triangles!

WE ARE SO LOVED.

-

That Personality Test :: Your Results
The latest personality test from ThatSurveySite... now featuring more and better questions than ever!

Emotional (53%)	[.........\|..........]	Logical (47%)
Concerned about self (42%)	[..........\|\|........]	Concerned about others (58%)
Atheist (52%)	[....................]	Religious (48%)
Loner (55%)	[.........\|..........]	Dependent (45%)
Laid-back (57%)	[.........\|..........]	Driven (43%)
Traditional (43%)	[..........\|.........]	Rebel (57%)
Impetuous (65%)	[.......\|\|\|..........]	Organized (35%)
Engineering mind (39%)	[..........\|\|........]	Artistic mind (61%)
Cynical (55%)	[.........\|..........]	Idealist (45%)
Follower (60%)	[........\|\|..........]	Leader (40%)
Introverted (67%)	[.......\|\|\|..........]	Extroverted (33%)
Conservative (41%)	[..........\|\|........]	Liberal (59%)
Logical (47%)	[..........\|.........]	Romantic (53%)
Uninterested (41%)	[..........\|\|........]	Sexual (59%)
Insecure (35%)	[..........\|\|\|.......]	Confident (65%)
Selective (25%)	[..........\|\|\|\|\|.....]	Tolerant (75%)
Pessimistic (65%)	[.......\|\|\|..........]	Optimistic (35%)
Principled (60%)	[........\|\|..........]	Pragmatic (40%)
Tolerant (40%)	[..........\|\|........]	Opinionated (60%)
Humble (50%)	[....................]	Elitist (50%)

Take the test!

so maybe i'm normal... i don't have any extremes.

ThatSurveySite: The Purity Test

The new TSS purity test: This is a test of how much purity and innocence you have left. For the purposes of this test, anything between being slightly socially unacceptable and downright illegal and dangerous is eligible.

Overall, your life experiences have left you 71% pure. [[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|............] You are more pure than 76% of those who have taken this test. (The average score is 55%).

Civic Life (55%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|..........]
Entertainment & Media (38%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|............]
Fashion & Wardrobe (85%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|....]
Innuendo (58%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|........]
Legal Troubles (67%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|......]
Parties & Fun (92%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|..]
Relationships (62%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|........]
Sexuality (81%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|....]
Social (10%)	[\|\|..................]
Substance Use (96%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|]
Take the test! brought to you by thatsurveysite

har. har. har.

i'm not moving..

2008-08-11T14:52:00.003+08:00

REALLY 40 little Secrets: Be honest no matter what.

[ONE] Who were your last 3 texts from?
justin, justin, lydia.

[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?
at some random place beside a home in woodlands.

[THREE] What's your middle initial?
trouble.

[FOUR] Your current relationship status?
attached.

[FIVE] Does your crush like you back?
tuhduh.

[SIX] What is your current mood?
don't know. crazily happy? for no reason.

[SEVEN] What's your mom's name?
don't want to tell you ;D

[EIGHT] What color shirt are you wearing?
white.

[NINE] Would you kiss the last person you kissed?
yup. why not?

[TEN] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
nope. pretty happy with the way things turned out eventually.

[ELEVEN] Have a crazy side?
tuhduh!

[TWELVE] Favourite day in history?
15th september 1993!

[THIRTEEN] What is something you do a lot?
procrastinate :x i am honest.

[FOURTEEN] Angry at anyone?
not at the moment.

[FIFTEEN] Do you wanna see somebody right now?
yes, but not in the mood to moooove.

[SIXTEEN] Do you like drama?
no, they're dumb because they're oh-so-predictable.

[SEVENTEEN] When was the last time you cried?
don't know, heh.

[EIGHTEEN] Who would you do anything for?
God.

[NINETEEN] Who is your hero?
none, but Jesus is my superhero :D

[TWENTY] What is the one thing you notice first with the opposite sex?
appearance. or is it hair?

[TWENTY-ONE] Hate being alone?
depends xD

[TWENTY-TWO] Heavy sleeper?
maybe? okay i guess so -.-

[TWENTY-THREE] Give me a lyric from the song that you're listening to.
People talk about the guy, who's waiting on a girl...
There on no hole in his shoes, but a big hole in his world...
The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved
THAT SONG IS SO LOVED.

[TWENTY-FOUR] Anything fun happened today?
yeah, when adele screamed, "it's on northern ireland! it's on northern ireland!" and everybody LAUGHED.

[TWENTY-FIVE] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
i don't watch teevee.

[TWENTY-SIX] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
green tea.

[TWENTY-SEVEN] Do you speak any other languages?
chinese. ~~so loved~~ and then boyf comes along trying to speak to me in jap, so maybe i do speak a little jap.

[TWENTY-EIGHT] What's your favorite website?
um my blog? -.- no i think it's google. :x

[TWENTY-NINE] Describe your life.
haha.

[THIRTY] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
nope.

[THIRTY-ONE] Do you like the rain?
yup.

[THIRTY-TWO] What are you thinking about right now?
going to the toilet because my stomach feels like a hurricane now.

[THIRTY-THREE] What should you be doing right now?
doing my research.

[THIRTY-FOUR] What is your favorite memory?
the moment when i found my style :x

[THIRTY-FIVE] What are you listening to?
walking in the air by kerli. :x lovely song.

[THIRTY-SIX] Who was the last person you told I love you to?
justin.

[THIRTY-SEVEN] Who was the last person you yelled at?
psp.

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Do you act differently around the person you like?
nope. maybe yes because i don't act like some loving idiot in front of normal people xD

[THIRTY-NINE] What is your natural hair color?
black. i want jet black!

[FORTY] Who was the last person to make you smile?
justin.

so tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree, it's been three long years, do you still want me?

2008-08-09T00:53:00.001+08:00

happy birthday singapore, :D
will post up pictures soon. just revamped my whole comp! (don't care if it's the right word or not, i just like it)

didn't know my whole school was so hyped up for the national day celebration -_- everybody was SO high. ~~including my teacher...~~ :D so loved lah.

they say your words are so cheap; so i bought all of them.

2008-08-04T01:21:00.008+08:00

i don't know who i am, period.
stop asking why i'm so obsessed with looking so darn different from others. it's just like asking me to stop being so perfect when i have OCD alright? argh. this isn't something i can control; i wish i could.

well maybe, or for real, i'm more than eccentric. *shrugs*

-

this is a personality disorder test. have fun doing.

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

* * *

so anyway, lydia and i went out yesterday. i was out on a hunt for a proper red shirt and lydia was just finding clothes for a present and herself. we met at 4 and headed down to fareast first.

sadly, i didn't find my shirt at fareast. so we headed to plaza singapura. (straight to the point! meh. i'm exhausted.) i didn't notice that it was 2nd august.. and coincidentally, call it luckily, while lydia and i were waiting for the bus down to bugis, we saw the black knights (not sure) doing art in the sky! golly. i'll post up the pictures later.

THEY FREAKING MADE A HEART SHAPE, *SWOONS* it's not such a common sight now, is it? heh. let me be fascinated by it alright? z.

then we went down to bugis. walked like until 8 sth before i found a nice red shirt. though it's not the authentic carebear shirt, it looks pretty o-kay. *grins* it doesn't look that bad, so maybe i'll be able to wear it out for fun next time. so much for walking around and wasting time.

lydia and i walked around bugis for a while more before heading down to citylink to get my pencilcase but to my chagrin, the shop was under renovation! so i was pissed. then i sent lydia on her way home while i went to find justin.

and blah blah blah. nothing else interesting that any of you should know. lalala. mad person going to sleep now. bye.

おぉずく　はいの　なかの　ほの　お

2008-08-02T13:42:00.002+08:00

was watching d.gray-man episode 94 and came across this really omgwtfbbq-ish scene. xD so i edited it... :x enjoy!

and well, maybe more scenes :o since there are a few nice scenes from episode 93 & 94. (woah, lavi spam)

one step at a time;

2008-07-29T23:00:00.006+08:00

i stole this from alvin-the-retard-tortoise's blog. so cool. (though i only read the english part.)

To My Friends Who Are Single
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.
給我單身朋友們
愛就像一隻蝴蝶。越要追牠，卻越要逃避。
如果就隨牠自由的飛，牠會在你最不注意時飛向你。
愛使人快樂，卻常傷害人。但只有在你把愛給了一個真正值得付出的人時，是最珍貴的。
所以，花點時間去選擇最好的他/她吧

To My Friends Who Are Attached
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.' It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.
給我那不是單身的朋友們
愛不能使他/她成為一個'完美的人'
它卻可以使你找到一個幫你成長的他/她

To My Friends Who Are Playboys/Playgirls
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The most cruel thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...
給我玩世不恭的朋友們
如果你不在乎，不要說'我愛你'。如果他們不在時，不要討論自已的感受
不要涉足會使他人心碎的生活。
說謊時，不要看著眼睛。
最殘忍的事莫過於男人讓女人愛他，卻是逢場作戲。反之亦然…

To My Friends Who Are Engaged
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.
給我那已訂婚的朋友們
要真正衡量包容心，不是看在一起幾年了，而是要看彼此的敬愛

To My Friends Who Are Married
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I' wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'
給我已婚的朋友們
不要老是說'這是你的錯'，何不說說'對不起'。
不要老是問'你去哪裡了'，何不說說'我就在這兒等著你'。
不要老是問'你怎麼會這麼作？'，何不說說'我了解你'。
不要老是說'我希望你這麼做'，何不說說'我感謝你的一切'。

To My Friends Who Are Heartbroken
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.
給我心碎的朋友們
心碎的時間和傷害的深度，完全取決於你自已。
難的是，如何從中學習，而不是從傷痛中爬起。

To My Friends Who Are Naive
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.
給我所有天真的朋友們
要如何戀愛？--就愛吧。不要欲言又止；要互相協調，不要太固執；
要分享，且千萬不要有不公平；要了解，別命令；
受傷後不要再記恨。

To My Friends Who Are Possessive
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.
給我積極的朋友們
看到你所愛的他/她和其他人很快樂使你心碎
但知道你所愛的他/她是和你在一起不快樂，令人更加的傷心。

To My Friends Who Are Afraid To Confess
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.
給我害怕去承認的朋友們
當你和他/她分手時，愛受到傷害
當他/她和你分手時，更是傷痛
但傷害最深的是你所愛的他/她完全無法了解你的感受

To My Friends Who Are Still Holding On
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to
find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he/she isn't worth it now he/she is not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.
給我那還在等待的朋友們
人生最傷心的事，是你和他/她愛情長跑了多年，最後的結局卻不如所望。
'如果他/她現在讓你覺得不值得付出，那麼一年，甚至十年後，都不會值得付出的。
讓他/她走吧

there comes a time when every bird has to fly; at some point every rose has to die.

2008-07-29T21:54:00.013+08:00

[edit@11.58pm]

私は悲しい

-

[edit@10.39pm]
go listen to The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved
:D

-

Feels like the weight of the world
Like God in heaven gave me a turn
Don't cling to me, I swear I can't fix you
Still in the dark, can you fix me?

Free fall, free fall, all through life.

Feels like the weight of the world
Like all my screaming has gone unheard
And oh, I know you don't believe me
Safe in the dark, how can you see?

Evanescence - Weight of The World

-

Alright. Swamped with so many things with so little time. ._. I guess NJRC research stuff can be put aside for a while. I hope I will be able to breeze through tomorrow's trigonometry test. I do wish I had a little more time to finish up my geography project.

It doesn't sound like it's a lot of things to do, but that's only on the surface. Thing is, my job in the geography project is near the conclusion areas, which coincidentally and surprisingly, is a little bit related to that research topic. And it's getting a bit irritating because it's a lot of English paraphrasing thingy and etc.. Roar.

-

This is just a short update. \: Because if I start to do my blog, God knows when I'll have time to complete my work. <_< i'm not that pro)

Still have a lot of pictures in my phone and oh well.

-

Qutub went crazy today. Don't ask -_-v because I don't want to elaborate :}

-

August is almost here! Life has never been so sweet.

what can i say,

2008-07-20T13:33:00.000+08:00

yayness! allen's piano piece!

They call me 'quiet girl', But i'm a riot, mary jo lisa, always the same,

2008-07-19T20:29:00.008+08:00

gosh, it might be tonsil infection... let's hope not!

anyway... been looking at people's blogs... :) here's a pretty difficult blogquiz jeslynn tagged me to do D: she's making me hurt my brain now. T_T have fun ~~

It's harder than it looks!
Copy and paste to your own journal, erase my answers, and add your own.
Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
They have to be real places, names &/or objects, and nothing made up!
Try to use different answers if the person you got this from has the same 1st initial.
You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
And Have Fun With It!!!
AND TAG 5 PEOPLE TO DO THIS!

fyi, my name starts with a D. T_T

1) 4 LETTER WORD: DOLL :D

2) BOY NAME: desmond.

3) GIRL NAME: demetriel.

4) OCCUPATION: diplomat :D

5) A COLOR: denium. (really!)

6) SOMETHING YOU WEAR: denim :x

7) BEVERAGE: dreamsicle punch (really! it's a drink in bars!)

8) FOOD: donuts! (i pwn.)

9) SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: door. (LOL.)

10) A PLACE: daytona beach :x

11) REASON FOR BEING LATE: drawing your ugly face :x

12) SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: dumbfuck! (pwntyourass!)

13) A SHOW THAT YOU WATCH: d.gray-man (HOMGWTFBBQ!)

I tag

1) soranokira (who HAS a blog, knows i have one and reads it)
2) justin (who also HAS a blog, knows i have one and constantly reads it)
3) veronica (coincidentally OWN a blog, know i own one too, whether she reads it, i don't know)
4) brenda (who HAS a blog, knows i have one, don't know if she reads it)
5) you? (if you bother)

-

waiting for tomorrow to come so i can do something about my throat.

2008-07-19T14:18:00.001+08:00

MY

THROAT

IS

KILLING

ME

we are beautiful, no matter what they say.

2008-07-14T16:55:00.005+08:00

wow. nobody passed the previous test. :x i shall make another REAL one :D but...

HOLD IT!

you must do the previous test before doing this one. :x heh heh heh... *evil laughter in the background* fweee.

don't worry, to those who have failed... i still love you! xD i understand how hard it is to pass... *tsk tsk and shakes head* (clue: i am lactose intolerant~)

Create your own Friend Test here

if you fail this... *nothing to say* <_< i guess this time i really dig into whatever things i never really told anyone :o coolio. but if you use common sense sure can pass one la. : D good luck!

~~this is just to entertain people so i don't get scolded for not updating my blog heh. :D~~

shawty had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur. :D

2008-07-13T19:55:00.002+08:00

heyho! nothing else better to do! i don't know why people like to make such quizzes, maybe they're just too bored or they want to know their true friends, oh well who cares! i'm freaking bored! :D so i shall make you readers do this! muahaha.

Create your own Friend Test here

when i grow up i wanna have boobies, careful what you wish for, cuz you just might get ;-o

2008-07-11T01:41:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I don't know why people like make trouble out of nothing. It's as if they have nothing else better to do, or they just want to spite someone. Or maybe it's just because they like the attention they're getting for commanding this 'army' of people to go against that person.

It just makes me laugh, like literally laugh. You'll think I'm some kind of sadistic freak but no. Put yourself in my shoes and view the fight from the outsider's view, outside the box... It's ridiculous, imagine this:

AGGRESSOR
I seriously don't know what's going through your mind because I'm not you and you're not normal person! Besides, you don't let anyone know about your problems, how do you think anybody would know what you feel?
One last thing, please take a look in the mirror before trying to shoot anybody because it's just so damn stupid!!

VICTIM
response 1: (doesn't even try to fight back, instead decides to act as if nothing has happened)
response 2: What has this got anything to do with you? Why do you even want to understand the way I handle things MY way? It won't benefit you so just stop bothering! You also take a look in the mirror before shooting anybody okay! You're just as stupid you know! Because it takes a stupid to know a stupid, stupid!

Isn't it just so damn funny? Makes you just wanna laugh at their mindless quarrels that brings them nowhere, because 1) aggressors usually just win people over directly without any foundations 2) victims usually tries to win their own people too without any foundations 3) they go to battle and nobody wins unless somebody intervenes 4) most of the time both parties make me laugh.

Mind you, I'm not directly insulting a particular someone but rather, at all the stupid people fighting. Maybe it's just me who thinks like this because I don't bother making friends >_> But look at it from an introvert's point of view - all these fights waste whatever little time you have left on earth.

You never know when the world's gonna end, and if all lives were to be claimed at once when you were busy fighting, I'm gonna laugh at you in your face. All these fights doesn't you benefit anybody in anyway! It's not as if you're fighting this out in court and blahblahblah. Since you want to fight so much go become a lawyer and then you can fight and feel that rush of joy when you win the case in the other person's face.

So my point is... People who cause trouble from nothing are basically stupid people who have nothing else to do.

Go ahead and flame me on your blogs then, go tarnish my image because that's what I'm expecting from all you brainless people :D Oh what joy; instant fame <3

'cause it's nine in the afternoon, and your eyes are the size of the moon.

2008-07-08T15:58:00.005+08:00

TODAY was just a pretty odd day. i left the house with janet jackson song stuck in my head, went around school with marie digby's 'say it again', and headed home with '9 in the afternoon' by panic! at the disco. ._. ~~yeah i know it's just plain old `panic at the disco` without the ! mark anymore :(~~
i managed to watch wanted! and this leaves me with hellboy II and hancock. mmm. i want to watch 10 promises to my dog again. seriously, it's the only show that made me cry. -_-v~~
so anyway. i'm getting scolded for not updating my blog! gosh! alright here's the update you wanted! which reminds me. i've got a story to tell. :)

-

I remember the day started off pretty well. Like any other normal day, the only dreaded item was my bag. As I headed off to school with all my science and math books, i received a text message from an unknown number.
'Hope you trip and fall and break all your bones! Your pathetic existence is not needed on the face of this earth because bitches like you deserve to be fucked and murdered!' it read.
Rolling my eyes, I sighed and wondered what I'd done to deserve this, because all I did was to make friends. I slipped the phone into my pocket and walked to school.

Today could also be counted as one of the best days of my life. She was finally talking to me! Or at the very least, acknowledging my existence. Deep down inside, this inexplicable bubble of joy burst and if it were in a cup it would be overflowing. I have never felt this happy ever since three years ago.
When she excused herself, I continued with my math question but somehow, all ability to answer the question just died. I looked up and watched her get pulled away by a group of girls...

I do have a few friends, and when I say 'few', I really mean 'few'. Raise up your hand and put down one finger, because that is the number of friends that even know I exist. What would you do if you were me - Would you die? Would you create a wall around yourself? Or would you bravely soldier through this with these four friends?
As I was leaving the classroom after classes, I heard her voice outside. Deciding not to interrupt her conversation, I stepped behind a wall and inevitably overheard her conversation.

"Why're you hanging out with her? Is she better than us?"

"No! It's not that!" She defended. "I just happened to be talking to her!"

"She's nothing but a trouble! She will be your friend in this moment but in the next, she'll backstab you!"

"You don't even know her, so why're you making false accusations on groundless evidences? She has been your friend for two and a half years now, fuxdamnit. If you think you're any better than her, go take a look in the mirror."

It went so quiet outside for a moment I thought it'd ended, so I walked out of the class briskly, as if nothing ever happened... but just when I stepped out, all I saw was their faces...

Hi, I'm Vanessa and I'm 15. Seriously, somebody. Tell me what I've done wrong...

What if I lead the way?
What if I make mistakes
will you be there?
What if I change the world?
What if I take the blame?
will you be there?
What if I change the world?
What if I lead the way?
What if I be the one who takes the blame?
What if I can't go on without you?
What if I graduate?
What if I don't?

done and dead, and proven my worth, there's nothing more to be said about this
reality or dream? things just changed into a state of bliss
i guess apologising will never be accepted, but trying doesn't hurt
so let me take this chance to take afford me comfort

sorry for thinking i could do it, sorry for trying to be what i'm not
days&nights i've tried to be, but all my efforts led to naught
putting on the face that gets me through the day, it is but a daily affair
it's the kind of dream you can never awake from - it's my living nightmare

the gaping hole in my chest is filled with nothing but you
and if it's you that i'd hurt, tell me what am i to do?
oh, such wistful eyes, a fragile tale it brings along
tell me now, truthfully, to where and whom do i really belong?

They all tell me to stop wallowing in self-pity, get a life and move on. But what they don't know is, it hurts to move on. "Change is the only constant in life." Go fuck this sentence yourself! Nobody knows how I feel because nobody even bothers!
I wish I could go back to where everyone was, where nobody cried and nobody lied. If only I could find somebody who understands me, who knows how I feel, because I'm lost. They say that you'll find the light at the end of the tunnel but I don't see the light for my tunnel.
When I crack a joke, I start to feel down. When I emo, I start to fall apart. When I cry, I start to crumble. When I lose control of all I have, I start to lose myself. & I already have lost myself.
I'm really sorry, I couldn't keep your promises. I tried to change myself but nobody appreciated it. I tried to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change. I'm at a loss. I've tried. Hell...

Hi, I'm Demetriel and I'm 17. I think I'm going crazy.

Is there really no way to express my grief?
Without any thoughts of how others'd think.
Too accustomed to the lies i continuously weave,
Things happened too fast; as if in a wink.

Will there be a day where i'll no longer be needed?
Or maybe even forgotten by all.
Have i already be casted & unwanted?
Is anybody out there'll who'll answer my call?

HELLO PEOPLE. ROAR@YOU.

After all that's been said and done, at the end of the day we all realise the same thing - that we are all the same. It is the way we handle things and emotions differently that makes us unique. There's nothing I can say, nothing I can do to help you there, because ultimately it is you who will turn the tables around and make the best out of everyday.

Why are you all quarrelling anyway? What is there for you to quarrel about? Is it over some petty issue, like who's better and who's dumber? Maybe it's just me, but I can't seem to see what's so great about you guys to fuss about. If it is a quarrel that you want, do it in a much more mature way. From my point of view, this is total entertainment because I've been through what you have and if you want a minute to talk to me about this, go ahead! Because I've got a whole damn forever of minutes to spare to you! :)

What are you all being so sad? What has caused you to ponder over for so long? I'm not saying that you can't be this way, or that it's not good for you blahblahblah, because all I'm saying now is that you've got to be strong and stayed focused on whatever that's ahead of you, even if it is the simplest task like going to school.
Everybody has their own way of handling sadness and I've absolutely no right to ask you to do it THIS way or THAT way. Whatever it is, I do hope that you will sober up and stay strong because if I can make it through the fall, you can make it through too. I'll be waiting at the end of the tunnel for you. :)

Now. If I told you the world was ending soon, would you behave like that?

..

You certainly wouldn't right? Take a look around - the world is dying, and so are we. Nobody knows just when and where would we end so... as everyone knows, 'live everyday like it's the last day of your life.' And live it to the fullest... Be what makes you, you. :)

here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama. fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama llama DUCK!

2008-07-03T19:05:00.002+08:00

200th post since 23rd august 2007. hmm, not bad uh. :) i might've reached 200 posts quite a while ago; just lazy :x

short update because i'm going to eat dinner! (hearts) do visit farawayinthisparadise.bs, nice stocks but quite little, do support :)
haha. i lazy to press anymore buttons. :x

pop princess hold my hand

2008-06-29T16:20:00.002+08:00

rrr~~..

i think lan shops are REALLY so cool alright! let me give you a brief introduction of lan shops from my point of view.

there are usually two types of groups that come to lan shops. one group is the shua-cool-dont-mess-with-me kind and the second group is the kee-siao-together.
the first group usually comes to do kind of serious business in dota, meaning they come to trash you in dota and then leaving, making you look at them in awe.
the second group comes in and tries to pwn you in dota with their oh-so-cool faces but not-so-cool moves.

today the second group came! i swear i almost laughed my whole internal body systems out alright! it was pretty quiet when they first arrived, like "if you mess with me imma gonna make you pay for it with your pride." so, okay~ let them shuang about their "serious business"... :)
they came in a group of 10 so then they split themselves equally, becoming Team One and Team Two (mitosis). so then the game commences!

the game started like how normal games go. you hear a "first blood.." and then somebody curses... and you start hearing like "killing spree.." and then "dominating!!" and then... you know, so on and so forth :) which means, let's say Team One is owning Team Two or vice versa.
somehow this group of people must have gotten possessed by the amoeba boys (from powerpuff girls) and went crazy. a member from Team One went "graawwwrrrrr i rrrruuuullleeeeee" when he got a "double kill.."

so i was like "oooo..kaayyyy..." and went back to do my stuff.. but a few seconds later, i heard a "triple kill!!" and a "PQVQI#@*%!)Q#N)VOAIWEPVIW RAWR!!" i was with my friend so we exchanged glances for a few seconds and burst out in laughter. we were imagining the same guy getting "GODLIKE.." and when we find that guy, he won't be a solid person anymore; he'd be a whole messy glob on the floor, bubbling~~

okay maybe some of you guys won't get it, but it really made me laugh so hard in that moment haha. okay nothing else much to talk about now. i'm going back to entertain myself with the idiot second group of lan shop people now ~~ :D

cuz we all finally breathe tonight

2008-06-27T00:06:00.004+08:00

went down to the library to pass lion my soft pastels and then continued to head down to mediacorp with justin today ~~to let them find out my secret talent and then making me famous~~. we walked in the wrong way so it was a ~~jolly nice~~ horrid 15 minute walk in there. ._." well it wouldn't really be that bad if the weather wasn't so hot because i was wearing skinnys to cover up my rash bumps. the terraces along andrew road? gosh, it BLEW me away. if you're free you could go down and take a look ._.
in the end i didn't go to school today. itching like mad! gosh. well now it's going down~~ and YEAH! it's friday! schweeeeeeeeeet.

-

there's this really stupid advertisement playing on tv now. i think it's the M1 advertisement ah? the one with "some companies don't listen to their customers. and you deserve better". that crap HAHA. so funny!

-

i want to watch hancock and wanted! roar!

hydrocortisone 1% cream 15g & chlorpheniramine 4mg tab

2008-06-25T21:12:00.002+08:00

it's confirmed. i've got rashes! it's not contagious but still, it's... disgusting, x_x i didn't get an mc for tomorrow (darn!) and i still have to go for morning run on friday too (double darn!)
i've got some cream to apply on my itches sparingly and some medicine to eat if the itch gets really unbearable. the medicine is soo cute! it looks just like those runny nose pills! :D but this causes drowsiness so um, the best time to itch like mad is at night lor. but i'm afraid that after i consume it i won't wake up and then i'll probably oversleep, x_x!
the cream is so cool luh, and calamine lotion comes next :x it's super effective! (L) hope i'll get better.

anyway, here's the pictures i'd taken but found no time to decorate and upload :D

{/ the silky terrier at spca!

{/ this is the real brenda! (click!)

even if it takes the rest of my life,

2008-06-24T19:47:00.004+08:00

hey guys! :) school has started! i got nothing to say! haha. hmm, i guess i will be updating the class blog with the detailed chalet pictures this weekend or the next :) sad siolz, i will take at least around 2 hours to do it D: and nobody appreciates it!

lol.

anyway. here's a cool blogskins! adopt a tree!

here

too cute. :x i couldn't help it.

-

anyway. today in class, my form teacher rearranged a number of students and... she really shouldn't have done that. she just made the class noisier and crazier. :) the first signs? pulling me and brenda apart, AND THEN putting qutub IN BETWEEN us. oh gosh.

and then putting joei with cheryl TWO SEATS behind brenda. oh gosh.

so to prove it to you, today during social studies lesson, qutub brenda adele and i played tai ti in class :) because adele had this super mini poker cards from universal studios florida (WE LOVE FLORIDA NOW) :D haha! and stupid brenda roared and she won. oh gosh. *_* we will played tai ti tomorrow again!

REMEMBER TO ADOPT A TREE! HEARTS.

fuck the itch on my body! i think it's insect bite but it's too many to possibly be insect bites and there weren't this many when i first saw it on saturday night. justin thinks that it might be allergy or rash.
pfft.
oh whatever! crazy itch! i'm going to the doc's after school tomorrow. i don't care! i am dying alr.

psst. i love calamine lotion.

no i don't cry on the outside anymore

2008-06-20T15:23:00.007+08:00

[EDIT]
23rd june, 1.59am
noooo! noooo! i shot random crap at stage 24 and wasted 3 shots! damnit!

LOL@THIS PEOPLE. play this game, Ragdoll Cannon xD it's so damn fun okay. the main objective of this game is to click and shoot the ragdoll man from the cannon and hit the HERE button to go to the next level. oh you can choose to reset level at the top right hand corner there. when you manage to shoot the ragdoll to the HERE button, the next level sign is where the 'reset' level is. :D hahaha! enjoy!

here are some of the weird scenes which i got it into, haha! i completed the whole thing in (supposedly 35 shots but then i shot again while trying to aim for the 'next level' button because i was laughing but who cares) 40 shots. so beat that hahaha. i shan't waste anymore time alr. hehe.

TIME TO DO HOMEWORK!

(click on the unoriginal scenes to see what i shot the ragdoll into :x )

original scene:

ohoh:

original scene:

LOL:

& then i got more bored, i went to play this machine dress up game here and this is what i got,

class chalet; 10-12 june {:

2008-06-18T18:32:00.001+08:00

enjoy!
♥dinah

meow@you people,

sometimes i think i hear you call, right from my bedroom wall.

2008-06-16T17:20:00.002+08:00

i'm not getting the pictures! :o so i'll just do a quick update. :}

-

who's up for some fun with me at the upcoming nuffnang community event?

Date: 28 June 2008
Venue: Playground @ Big Splash – East Coast Park
Time: 3pm – 10pm
Attire: Anything comfortable!
READ MORE ABOUT IT HERE

i definitely won't be asking my family to come along. ._." i'll be calling my closer friends who feel more like family :} i heard there'll be fireworks to end off the whole event! i want :x

anybody who's interested to go with me, please do let me know by 24th june. :D i don't want to go alone eh. :{

maybe i'm wrong, maybe i miss you.

2008-06-13T11:26:00.005+08:00

~~FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH PEOPLE! SHWEEET!~~

hello all. i'm back from my class chalet! i don't have the pictures with me now D: so i'll just reply the tags and when i get the pictures, i'll update! :D now back to my D.Gray-Man episode 87! <3

replys to tags:

@bozong: lawl@you. nothing to say to you. crazy one neh.
@ed: you buy me a proper camera then the picture will be clearer alr lor. =_= some photos also not i take de =_=
@lydia: i also bored pls.
@jasmine: of course you don't see that you're trans la. ._." it's yourself what.

-

FIRST DAY OF CHALET! :D
it was REALLY good. the response kind of overwhelmed me :') i didn't expect so many people to turn up! (well, at least for the barbecue part) more than 20 people came for it, so i guess we should have gotten more than half of the chalet fee. :)
those who stayed over, (qihuang, vivian, enxin, meiting, jiamin, juma'ah, iffah, brenda, me and lingling!) planned to watch the sunrise but we all decided to GO TO SLEEP! and we missed the sunrise. :D *grins*
[pictures to be added]

SECOND DAY OF CHALET! xD
tutik, tutik's sister, khairul, syafiqah and syafiq M came over again :} but we all headed out to Escape! charles joined us at escape too. (weihao went home to get clothes ._.) ~~i didn't sit most of the rides there, except for the last two~~ and the viking erm, rocked. :x and i took many random shots with lingling's camera. :}
then it rained. ._. (why does it starts raining when we want to play and it stops when we're all done?) so we headed to burger king and then went back to the chalet to rot. :(
lingling, meiting and enxin left at around 5 plus. then juma'ah, jiamin and i decided to hibernate in the room! :x while the others were cooking our dinner... we just slept :D heh.
as per usual, the charcoal has to be thrown away.. but weihao and vivian decided to bring it up and do something with it. which we actually did! we came out at 2am (wtf someone kicked our charcoal) and started roasting marshmellows :x and made a lot of mess.
then we went to sleep. :)
{pictures to be added]

THIRD DAY OF CHALET D:
nothing much really happened. except that we checked out and then... later i joined vivian, qihuang, weihao and ezekiel at their church youth camp. oh gosh, ._. i wish i could say it out here... but i wont. :D must say in person then got more impact.

OKAY! I'LL ADD THE PICTURES LATER! TTFN. D.GRAY-MAN!

everyday i patiently wait, feeling like a fool but i do anyway.

2008-06-08T10:52:00.002+08:00

our 'stem cells and engineering' aem course ended last friday! and the handsome guy in that blue top was our lecturer from republic poly :D he's got a pretty cool name. mr scottz lip. :O
although it was kind of irritating to be going back to school for nine hours, it was quite enjoyable... and i can't say i didn't learn anything. i shall admit that for the first time ever, i paid ~~almost~~ total attention in class!

after the whole course ended... ~~SO SAD PLEASE~~ i headed home to wash up and stuff like that before heading down to hsh/bsh's bbq. :) made edward wait because he messed up my nails :x tried to make him angry but to no avail, but still apologised because i blew up at him on the bus. (there was this stupid woman sitting in front of me in the bus who partially turned around to see who i was talking to. i pointed my middle finger at her. i saw bryant on the bus too!)
didnt really socialise much with the people at the bbq because i knew no one except xinyi, jason, ming and edward. ._." so never mind. edward and i just talked to each other =_=" talk until got nothing to say alr, haha.

nice sand.

we rotted until about 3 plus, where the whole barbecue ended D: then most of them went home, which left us with xinyi, jason and edward. xinyi and jason decided to head off to shower because they played with ice, then edward and i rotted at mac's, waiting for them.
turned out they walked all the way to dont-know-where because all the toilets were like full or something? then they left for their friend's house to rot somemore. =_= so edward and i stayed to see the sunrise BUT THERE WAS NO SUNRISE because there were clouds BLOCKING THE SUNRISE so there was no sunrise AT ALL.

there were clouds to look at anyway. made a lot of noise on the breakwater because i hate happy couples and i wanted to break their bubble of romance. heh.

and then we kissed,

2008-06-07T09:41:00.006+08:00

i went to do this personality quiz. quite true in some parts...

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

-

& i went to do this, :D

What others see from your style
You're imaginative and sometimes unpredictable. You like entertainment, having fun, and independence. You are outspoken, but you probably speak strongly about issues close to your heart.

What your nightclothes reveal
You're in need of love. You want to be taken care of and panic easily. You have a strong wish for security in your life.

What others see from your ties
You enjoy being alone. You like to life the simple but good life, and you cherish your freedom. You are thoughtful, confident and uninterested in glamour.

What others see from your belts
You are a frank, assertive and sometimes flamboyant person. You are friendly and want to be accepted by everybody. You like to have fun, to be free, and to live a comfortable lifestyle.

What others see from your shoes
You are a person who loves simplicity and is sincere and open. You are pleasant to be with, easygoing and always in a good mood. You neither want to control nor be under someone else's control. You don't care much about how you look, and know that it's what's inside someone's heart that's important.

What others see from your earrings
You are probably an independent and strong-willed person. Fairness is important to you, and you always stand up for what you believe in. You are friendly and get along well with people.

The last analysis
You are probably a clever and adventurous person. You love to learn new things, and enjoy socializing with friends. Although you enjoy your freedom, you cherish peacefulness and like to spend time alone with your thoughts.

reach for the stars

2008-06-05T19:29:00.002+08:00

for the first time, i don't feel a sense of grief when i found out that my phone died on me in public. i used to panic and scream, because without any type of contact to me, i'd have nothing to do, no one to hang out with.
but now... i'm still so calm. like it's nothing to me. i guess it's all back then; coming back to realise that i'm just one speck of dust on the face of this earth. ._.
so bye world, don't try to contact me. not at least until i get my phone back. i'm gonna bring it for servicing tomorrow.

where do you go when you have gone too far?

2008-06-04T21:59:00.006+08:00

i re-did my main picture. isn't this just totally awesome? there's no meaning to the sentence up at the corner. ._. the picture was just too plain so i had to do something about it. don't you agree?

AND I AM A HAPPY GIRL! I FINALLY GOT MY HAIR SCORPION-IFIED :D
i so totally love you, rossalina. :D must put full name so that they know my personal hair braider. :D

-

{/EDIT}

was browsing through some blogs and passed through this,
my blog in vulgarities.
lawl. check it out. don't know why so fascinating to me too.

-

was talking to qihuang just now. read on.

❥нuаиgღ says (10:09 PM):
what to buy for bbq
❥нuаиgღ says says (10:09 PM):
!
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
you dont so scary eh.
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
how i know. ._. i only went to 2 bbqs.
❥нuаиgღ says says (10:10 PM):
.
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
i know need chicken wing, MARSHMELLOW and charcoal
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
and the sticks
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
and the metal thing
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
thats all
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
and the thing to kiap the food
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
plates
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
forks
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
serviettes
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
=_=
❥нuаиgღ says says (10:10 PM):
the 'kiap' is called thongs
❥нuаиgღ says says (10:10 PM):
-_-
❥нuаиgღ says says (10:10 PM):
tongs
❥нuаиgღ says says (10:10 PM):
***
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:10 PM):
THONGS
❥нuаиgღ says says (10:10 PM):
thongs omfg
❥нuаиgღ says says (10:11 PM):
LOL
☠;seren/eth♥ says (10:11 PM):
OH GOD

no sir, no i don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.

2008-06-04T07:19:00.004+08:00

played on the lines of danger,

& played past it many times.

but what happens, and where do you go, when you have gone too far?

-

i know i shouldn't have went back to the esplanade, to sit there and reminisce about the events of last year. but i guess, that's the only place where i can find comfort in, even if it meant i was played.
i have said this before, and i will say it again.

i need no pity - don't bother to try to help me by solving things your way, because i will hate you for trying to do so. let me do things MY way, let me settle it in the way i am most comfortable in. don't assume that by making me happy i WILL be happy, because i will not. even if i have to fail badly in whatever i'm trying to accomplish, then let it be! only then will i be able to learn from whatever bull that i have met along the way. because i hate it when other people start gossiping on the wrong facts, making me sound like the idiot.

i don't need anybody's help. and if i do, i will ask. otherwise, let me solve my own problems. i don't need anybody's sympathy.

[tobecontinued]

i burnt out every bridge that i built when you were still here.

2008-06-01T14:12:00.006+08:00

[EDIT] @ 5.37pm

MONDAY

WENT TO SAKAE SUSHI WITH :D
The decision was random ._. Jason, Xinyi and I decided this while quarrelling with some people :x Haha! Then this Ming guy also came. So funny jor.

Xinyi

Jason

Ming

They like to eat hot tofu. ._. It was too hot so I didn't try.

:D I couldn't help it.

WEDNESDAY

I TOOK OFF MY BRACES! :D
Then Xinyi decided to call the people down to watch movie, since I was at PlazaSing alr. Xinyi arrived first, so then we decided to stuff ourselves with food ._. Then Zicheng came. Then Jason. Edward = slowpoke.
We watched The Chronicles of Narnia : Prince Caspian. :D Lucy so cute pls. :}

THURSDAY

ROBOTICS CAMP! D:
I dread camps.
But after going, I think it's kinda fun luh. Because Brenda, Qihuang, Qutub and I kept playing taiti. Don't know why we didn't get bored of it. HAHA!

It was Amazing Race first. But er, like always, it doesn't work out. D: Okay never mind. Then we headed back to school. The dinner was buffet :D Haha, okay I shan't say anything bad about this round...

Then came the nightwalk. The thought alone of the nightwalk was like freaking everyone out, even some of the organisers... So yeah, persuasion, and it was like, brought down to a less scarier level. :) It went on pretty well...

It was pretty scary. See, even Weihao put on makeup ._.

Because this was a 2 day 1 night camp for special reasons, I decided not to sleep :D Then Brenda, Qihuang and Qutub decided to play taiti >:D Haha! We played for like damn long lor... It was pretty fun, considering the fact that I had alr played 2 and a half hours of taiti with Yingxuan at the pitstop during the not-so-Amazing Race ._. Heh, then came the super funny part la.

It was like 5.30 am alr, and Qutub started drinking this green coloured gassy drink again... And he said, "Wah, whole night drink gassy drink ah..." And continued drinking. Then I said, "Wah, then whole morning fart ah..." And ... He spitted out the water!! OMG! :x IT WAS HILARIOUS.

FRIDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEI! HERE'S YOUR "recycled" CAKE, BY ADELE AND YOURS TRULY <3

-

(Taken from Xinyi)

Sorry if I haven't been replying to people's messages, it's because.

1) My sms exceeded the limit I wanna keep my smses too.
2) I don't wanna reply you and I don't see a need to!
3) I read your message and forgot to reply.
4) My message got stucked in the outbox and as usual there is no notification like outbox (1).
5) I didn't check my phone because I don't bother to.

-

GET THIS RIGHT, PEOPLE. I don't care if my mother is reading this, I don't care if my teacher is reading this, I don't care if anybody who has higher authority than me in my life, READ THIS BLOODY THING BEFORE ACCUSING ME OF IGNORING YOU AND TRYING TO GET INTO ANY TROUBLE I WISH TO.

If I ever decide to stay out in the night with anyone at any place, this decision will ALWAYS and FOREVER be impromptu. Because I do not have a death wish yet. The only reason why I'd stay out at night is because I had a freaking quarrel with my family members. I will not choose to stay out at night just because my best friend quarrelled with me. If anything smaller than a fight with my family members, I won't stay out, because there is totally no point at all. And if you think that I stayed out with someone else because I want to ignore you, go ahead and think that way. I can't do anything if you want to be that way. Fuck it. Go call the police and send me home then. I don't care.

1. This thing called 'Father' does not exist in my dictionary anymore. I consider myself fatherless. (physically)
2. Next thing out of my life totally, is 'Mother'.
3. My brother might still have hope, if he does not piss me off any further than I am with my whole freaking family NOW.
4. I dare not go back to church because I have this feeling that everybody is against me.
5. If my school friends decide to turn their back on me, I will not hesitate to just die.

[EDIT]

Yeah, remember this well. This is my life, I do things MY way. Don't try to make me do things YOUR way because everybody has their own way of doing things in life. Don't think that you can understand my life by making me do things in your way. If you don't understand what I'm doing, then STOP assuming things. When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME. ARGH. If you don't understand, then leave me alone!

Okay yah. I appreciate all that you're trying to do now, but it's all a little too late now. Go find someone else because I'm done with this. You know what I am already, you should have seen this coming.

something's dying on the inside; i'm still broken but i'm free

2008-05-28T01:09:00.002+08:00

Maybe that is why they all say love is blind. It drives you to do things you would not do when you are sober… But if love is blind, how is one able to feel such indescribable emotions? To say that there is no word or phrase that can describe love, sums it all up because love is just a word to put anxiety, bliss and agony together.

Phyllis had never believed in love at first sight, because it is simply groundless forces of attraction to somebody you barely know. Such baseless feelings often lead to actions on impulse, thus contributing to the rising number of heartbreaks. It is strange though – everybody knows what it is like to feel your heart shatter, yet, without hesitating, they go on with it.

The only mistakes she'd ever made in her life were small… But ever since that day, her life has changed completely. Wiped out. Reformatted. Turned upside down. I guess, love can be a miracle and a danger; it all depends on how well you utilise it, because that night, she let her guard down and the impending hazard wrecked her life…

Phyllis sat on her bed, letting the darkness engulf her and wondering where she had gone wrong. What made her so attracted to him? She looked outside at the stars that never failed to make her smile at the slightest bit of twinkle. The stars had always been there for her, be it good or bad times, but tonight there were only so few.

Both of them were enigmatic, a sort of charm that made you just want to catch all of their attention. Like a free spirit, they could not be binded by normal means... That was what made her want to capture everything they had. Such a despicable cad like her... They should not exist to break other's hearts right?

Or maybe, just like her close friend had said, she was just waiting and finding the right person who could bind her like she does, that both of them would never find their way around without each other... But how long was Phyllis going to wait, and how many cases of heartbreaks would happen?

maybe you're stuck on me too.

2008-05-26T21:08:00.004+08:00

There was this girl that lived in that block down the street. Everyday she goes to school, like any normal kid would. However, the only thing that made her seem so different was that she always walked to school and back alone, always had lunch alone; to put it simply, she lived her life alone.

Nobody dared to tell her the mistakes she has made, because they fear the contagious disease she carries around - being alone. The same cold feeling of the world bored into her mind everyday, leaving her to fend off all dangers on her own. There wasn't a single kind soul who would guide her to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Eliorette smiled dreamily as she watched him walk ahead of her. He never failed to make her smile even at the simplest thing. Her happiness and smiles, such simple things that may seem so minute on the norm, meant a lot to her. Whenever he was around her, there was this bubbly sensation inside of her, something she had never felt before and she liked it. Indeed, she should be feeling happy but instead, she was feeling the opposite.

Maybe that's why they're called dreams, because they will never be reality. In fact, dreams are just the exact opposite of reality - the cold, harsh and unfeeling rush of worries and anxieties of the people who exist on the face of this earth. Then again, nobody said it was ever gonna be easy...

The wind blew in Eliorette's face, gently sending her hair flying around into a chocolate brown mess. Golden pillars of the sun's warm rays were thrown around in the park, slowly warming up the atmosphere. As she lifted her face up to see him with that belle go by, a prickling sensation started up behind her eyes.

They reached the end of the park, only to be greeted by the sight of a newly-wed couple, still in their wedding attire, taking pictures. The three of them sat on the ground in silence for a few minutes before deciding to do anything.

"Do you think I'll ever get a chance to see this day?" I muttered to myself, not expecting any answer.

"Why yes, you will darling," the pretty girl said to the wind, as if answering my question. As if on cue, he nodded and whispered, "Why don't we just wait?"

Eliorette felt a violent wave of warmness surge up from the neck to her face. Turning away, she faced the pavement, mumbling, "We..."

As she slowly returned to the sight of the bride and the groom, Eliorette placed her worries aside, unaware of the movement of the belle's head to his shoulders, joining in unison.

you were my life, my hope, everyday.

2008-05-25T02:28:00.005+08:00

Went to ECP again yesterday :D Headed there with Xinyi, Jason and Justin. Though we didn't catch the sunset, we cycled to the end of the park and back, in two hours :D And played mind games with xinyi and jason. :x

Yeah, there were dogs in ECP yesterday, *nods* but there wasn't many. I saw Siberian Huskies and Golden Retrievers :D

So cute siol. :x

We went to Sushi Teh for dinner. Haha, it was funny I tell you. Xinyi and I ordered chuka wakame and chuka kurage for appetisers :D

I ordered Shoya Soba :D So did Jason and Xinyi ordered some wild vegetable soba and Justin had plain Udon.

Oo-kay. So then I started to eat. But then I found a piece of paper on my spoon. x_x So er, I told Justin. Then Xinyi and Jason were like, wah got paper, gogo, tell tell. So er, they did.
The person who was serving us was like shocked too. He took my bowl and apologised as he brought it to the kitchen again. Then because I was wondered I could get extra fishcakes because of this matter, er Jason went to kachiau the person about this. :x And I got my extra fishcakes.
Okay, so I got another bowl of Soba :x Then came Justin's sushi. E-eh! Found some paper in the sushi! Okay! So we went to tell the person again. He was hesitant; I guess he was just afraid that he might get scolded by the manager D:

We enjoyed the rest of our meal and later paid for the bill. So cool jor, the manager actually offered us free dessert but uhm, we were leaving already D: Not so bad ah, the cute chocolate wafer thingy was actually offered! >_<
Jason decided to apologise to that guy because we kind of caused some trouble to him. But we complimented on his wonderful service to the manager. :D Yay we made somebody's day :D I wonder what the manager do to that guy. :)

We didn't take pictures together D: So sad. But we'll be having sushi again someday :D I think it'll be this week. Heh. Can't wait gua. High tea! :D

-

The 3e1 spirit! Lawl. I thought it was supposed to be spelled 'bochup'. ._."

-

[EDIT] @ 10.39pm

Is it just me, or is everyone i know getting a smiley piercing. ._." Not like I'm planning to, but why? >.> I've got nothing to say. Really. Nothing at all.
I feel like I'm dying everyday. ._.

Do you have the time? To listen to me whine?

2008-05-20T17:57:00.003+08:00

For once, I really have nothing to write about.

-

Vivian tagged me.

1) Do you wish to get married?
No... I somehow detest children. >.>

2) What do you want the most now?
XXX

3) What would you like to eat?
Something salty and spicy.

4) What is the thing you want if you have the power to create miracles?
I'd wish to have XXX but now, I just want XXX to listen to me.

5) Do you think you have enough confidence?
Hmm... Depends.

6) Are you satisfied with youself?
Depends.

7) What are you afraid to lose now?
Everything.

8) Do you believe in eternity love?
In Jesus, yes :D Even when I fall D':

9) What do you do when you feel hurt?
Uhm. Don't know, because I feel the pain only a few days later.. And by then there's nothing much I can do already. D':

10) Who do you want to see right now?
XXX

11) What is the best thing that ever happened in your life?
Hmm. That has yet to come. I just keep procrastinating about it.

12) Why is it difficult to let go of someone you love?
Because... Everything that you have done, and tried to do, has all been accomplished in vain.

13) Will you be moody, sad or ring up your friend?
Depends. I've always got a bimbo around to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once. :D

14) What do you regret most in your life?
Hmm...

15) Do you treasure your family?
>.> Is this a rhetorical question?

16) Are you satisfied with your life now?
Uhm. No.

17) If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
No.

18) Ever had a near death experience?
Yes.

19) Have you ever walked in the rain?
All the time.

20) Have you ever loved someone so much, that you would want to give up everything just for him/her?
... For Jesus, yes. :D My trust lays in Jesus only. Heh.

Tagged:
YOU! D':

I tried to belong, it didn't seem wrong.

2008-05-18T11:12:00.007+08:00

Do you got a first aid kit handy?
Do you know how to patch up a wound?
Tell me,
Are you are you patient,
understanding?
Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart and I,
I've tried every remedy,
And nothing seems to work for me.

-

English: Pass
Chinese: Pass
E.maths: Pass
A.maths: Fail
P.chemistry: Pass
P.biology: Pass
Combined Humans(GG/SS): Pass

if i'm dreaming, never wake me up.

2008-05-15T21:55:00.003+08:00

Well. Today was rather okay. At first it was REALLY good. And then it got really bad. >.>
I don't know where to start. Spelling bee. I could spell all the words she gave others. And then she gave me a word even she couldn't pronouce. Okay. Never mind. But what the hell, if you see a spelling bee winner that isn't even confident in spelling the word 'assassinate', you'd wanna think again, wouldn't you? I can spell most words, and even Adele is afraid. Like... I don't know. She pronounced it as "ree-kor-ner-ter". I'm guessing she was trying to give me this word "reconnoiter". Even so, the pronounciation of this word is "ree-kuh-noi-ter". She didn't give me the origin of the word. Flying fuck, because if she mentioned it was a word originated from the French, I would bloody know how to spell it. Fuck.
Want to know what I can spell? I bet if she gave me and that winner a contest to see who can spell the most words, I'd probably win. Oh well. Who cares.
I'm exhausted. My head is spinning like crazy. I won't be going to school tomorrow. This is a bloody wordy post. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed. I want to speak to somebody.... Somebody...

I think I'm really losing it... This time... I know why I'm really talking, literally, to myself...

Bye world.

i don't know why you'll never close that open door.

2008-05-11T11:06:00.002+08:00

It's Mother's Day today. And I'm helping my friend take care of the lan shop because his shift clashes with his Mother's Day celebration. \: Hmm, not only that, I'm short on cash so I guess I'm helping out too because I need the cash. Sigh.
Looking at the number of customers now, I doubt I'll have enough money T_T So I don't know what to get for my mother now! Because I still need around $14 more... Not as if I can scam out that much money today.
It's a 50-50 chance on the shop being crowded, because the exams are over AND it's Mother's Day. So... >.> Well I still think that they won't be that many customers... :( I'm trying to get people who aren't bothered about celebrating Mother's Day or aren't obligated to, to come down to the lan to accompany me :)

Let's just hope that I will get enough today. >.
Currently working alone >.> With like. Only 4 people in the shop. Oh darn!

why can't i turn off the radio?

2008-05-08T17:34:00.003+08:00

Mehz. I'm getting bored my seeing this blogskin. But I have no inspiration for patience in making a new one. So... >.> Nah, I won't settle for any on blogskins.com because somebody else may have it, and it'll turn out to be so LOSER please.

I was thinking, when I grow up I might be a psychologist. Yeah, you must be thinking that I'm crazy... Don't worry, I think I'm crazy enough to have such an ambition because I so totally didn't expect this idea. But look, I want to take psychology after leaving secondary school... >.> Even though it's not what I really wanna be... I guess I'll just have to go with the flow. Not as if I don't like studying why people behave in certain ways.

And then I was thinking again, when I grow up I want to own either a Golden Retriever, German Shepherd, Border Collie or Egyptian Mau. I know Egyptian Mau is so out of the list but it is SUCH a charming cat. And in order to own these big dogs, I must live in a bungalow because such big dogs aren't allowed in stupid small houses. Hah. Which means that I have to earn big bucks. I don't mind; if I get to have such dogs.

Which then led me to think, when I grow up I want to have the freedom to do anything I want without any limits. I know this is starting to sounds like that stupid bank commercial (which one was it again?) but... You know some times people tell you that in order to fully play a game, you have to finish the game first. Isn't it so much like life? When you have fully built your foundation, then can you enjoy it. Well... This pretty much applies to the context in Singapore. \: And maybe other places.

A-ha, and I am still thinking, when I grow up, even if I have all this, would I have achieved anything? Would there be anyone who would remember me? Though I don't like to make that many friends, I do hope that that little group will remember me. It'd be a shame if they wouldn't. I know that making many many many friends is what everyone wishes for but apparently, not for me. I don't like getting so attached to so many people because... I can't give all of them a piece of me.

You can think of me as an idiot, but what matters is that this time, I've been true to myself, and that there were no hidden meanings. Big and wild dreams, aspirations, whatever you wanna call it, as long as you stop lying to yourself, no matter what people think of you, as long as you stop running and hiding, there is nothing to be afraid of. :)

-

Now. I am so lazy to upload the photos of the ECP outing with some people on 6th May after the last exam from the Mid-Year Examinations!

By the way, listen up. To all the people out there, from anywhere and everywhere, WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK IF YOU DIDN'T MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR THIS EXAM? Because all you have to do, is to just pass and get promoted, so that you can take the BIG exams! Make sure you understand the topic, if you don't you'd better clarify it before all your queries accumulate and AHH! suddenly the exams come and yeah, you know, that.

Don't take my advice seriously, because this only works for people who can afford to slack in class and still pass in the exams without studying much. Like me. =.= With my super cool marks. I'll consider on letting anybody know my oh so super pwnsome marks. Haha.

it's so contagious; i cannot get it out of my mind.

2008-05-04T22:45:00.002+08:00

So in the end, I still had lunch with Darling's family on Saturday. On that very fateful day, I also forgot to bring my keys out, OH, what joy. Decided to head down to Darling's lan but some idiot guy, I shall not mention who, psycho-ed me into heading to town to see him. Oh, which he called off the last minute when I was on the highway to town, OH, what coolness.
Oo-kay. So I went down to dbg to find Andrea. I bought her Mrs. Field's cookies. Yep, 3 cookies.. :3 Haha. So I wasted around 3-4 hours travelling to town, finding people and heading to Darling's lan. Aa-ha.
That super nice yoyo-jie was working. It's kind of sad for her... The people who work other shifts have people to accompany them but she doesnt... >.> So when I was done with my fun in the lan, I bought her a tube of chocolates to accompany her :D Woo. At least she gets to munch on something sweet. :) I'm such a thoughtful person, aren't I?
*sighs* >.> The exams are nearly over. I think I'm done for, this time. Therefore, the wordy post with a sarcastic tone. Or anything you wanna think about this. I haven't really been doing much with my life. Just praying hard about my walk with Jesus, which I haven't really been keeping up to. >.> Feel like so bad now. >.> Oh dear.

& remember me tonight, when you're asleep.

2008-05-01T19:40:00.007+08:00

HAPPY 4TH MONTH, DARLING. :)
HAPPY 8TH MONTH, FWB. :)

Yep, it's labour day today! Marks the month of being together again. :) I haven't been talking much to my FWB for quite some time... Gomen! >.< But then again... ^_^

I was supposed to go over to Darling's place for lunch today but apparently *something* happened so we decided to eat out. :) Yay, I've got myself a new PURPLE comb and a new PURPLE mirror and a new PINK handphone charm. Heh. ^_^v

Darling came to CWP and then decided that we should eat at Sakae Sushi. :o Haha, I kinda forgot one of the dishes's names.. ^_^"

Come to think of it... I wonder how many times have we fell out... :o Because after everything, we still stick together... Hmm. We have known each other for say, a year or more? before doing anything much. Heh, I know, we're cool. <3

I love you too much, dar. I'm starting to miss you a lot =.="

& loved;

-

By the way, here are two books I recommend you readers to read. 'My Sister's Keeper' and 'Mercy', both by Jodi Picoult. These two books are like, her best, in my opinion. Maybe 'Vanishing Acts' too, because there are many, MANY, so many that I cannot stress this enough, types of ways to start your essays by the theme.

'Three months ago, if you asked me, I would have told you that if you really loved someone, you'd let them go. But now I look at you, and I dream about Maggie, and I see that I've been wrong. If you really love someone, Allie, I think you have to take them back.'

Page 374, Jamie MacDonald, Mercy by Jodi Picoult.

My mother moves so fast I do not even see it coming. But she slaps my face hard enough to make my head snap backwards. She leaves a print that stains me long after it's faded. Just so you know: shame is five-fingered.

Page 54, Anna Fitzgerald, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult.

What if a giant funnelweb spider crawled out of that hole over your head and bit you on the neck? What if the only antidote for venom was locked up in a vault on the top of a mountain? What if you lived through the bite, but could only move your eyelids and blink out an alphabet? It doesn't really matter how far you go; the point is that it's a world of possibility. Kids think with their brains cracked wide open; becoming an adult, I've decided, is only a slow sewing shut.

Page 299, Anna Fitzgerald, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult.

I don't know why it's called "getting lost." Even when you turn down the wrong street, when you find yourself at the dead end of a chain-link fence or a road that turns to sand, you are somewhere. It just isn't where you expected to be.

Page 85, Cordelia Hopkins, Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult.

tonight will be the night that i will fall for you;.

2008-04-26T11:15:00.003+08:00

The mid-year examinations have officially started! And the party has just began! Well, that is, for the 3e1s :D Especially a girl named...

Brenda!

She can most probably win the best out-of-tune singer of the year award. Here are a few showcases...

Warning:
Not for the weak-hearted, those who can't stand crap, those who don't want to spoil their glass panes and mirrors...

^___________^;;

Anyway.
Yesterday, Enxin and I went to cwp with Vivian. Headed to KFC to have lunch and somehow I just don't know why Vivian can't seem to handle finger-food.... ~_~ Lol. It just drops all over the place! Hai~

-

Oh,
late happy birthday to Ms Zuraidah and Izzuan :D:D

p/s:
^_^

LET'S ROCK ON!!

2008-04-21T15:34:00.000+08:00

LET'S ROCK ON :D

YAY :D TODAY ROCKED SO MUCH! BLAME BRENDA!

ROCK ON MANSXZXZXZXZXZXXZXZXZ!

i've got miles and miles to go before anyone will ever see me smile again*

2008-04-19T19:26:00.004+08:00

fuck.

credit: the-panic for the picture.

can i ask what will happen to you if you let your headache stay in your head? like let it stay and fade away itself... because i think you will become stupid if it stays... like will it rot your brain or something... i'm hoping it will happen.

someone. please confirm with me that i am losing it. that i am going crazy. that this is not just a dream.

p/s: please don't ask me why i have never accomplished anything in my life. i always have to give it up to make room for "more important things at the current situation". doesn't this prove that i'm a total failure yet? sheesh.

Too close for comfort;.

2008-04-18T14:54:00.002+08:00

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

"It is largely considered to be written by Mary Elizabeth Frye (1904-2004), but of disputed origin." Wikipedia.

A little something for everyone to chew on.

but there's so many things that i want you to know;.

2008-04-17T19:18:00.005+08:00

One word. Argh.

-

I think I am starting to get fed up with the way things work in my life. Yes, I know even though I seem disorganised and I look like I'm probably gonna flunk in everything, somehow things aren't what they seem. Sounds like I'm the black horse but... \: I am tired. I am very tired. Tired til the point of exhaustion. I know I can pull through this, it just depends on whether I want to perservere or not. I really want to, but I'm putting the much more useless tasks to a higher priority. Everybody tells you to prioritise and stuff, but I don't work around a fixed schedule. I cannot stand perfection, I can't even put a finger to this subject, I am afraid of perfection.
Sorry for all the wordy posts these few days, but this is the only way I can express my feelings. I am not an artist, though I may be, in concept art. Art, such a deep subject, I cannot fathom. My mind cannot stretch as far as I will it to, but... I know I do not need to take up such art requests but because they ask me to do it up for them because they trust that I can do it. How can I let them down with such requests..?
I feel like I am slowly losing pace in E.Maths, Chemistry, Biology and Social Studies. There is some hope in E.Maths and Social Studies, and a little in Chemistry but I see none in Biology. I am slowly losing appetite these few days. Insomnia may come along soon. Might be coming down with something before I know it. I really need to no-life like a mad mthrfxcker!

Damnit.

-

I think I might as well throw my closet away. Maybe after the MYE I might really have a problem with talking to myself. Hopefully I'll still be okay after the MYE. Academic excellence has always been the hot topic among the teachers - it never dies down. I wonder why.

-

[EDIT] @ 8:51pm.

#$)^*)@N )$U@#%*@#)%@#^)#Q@N)$*Q^BQ)@#$N&)#^(!_^*
let me vent my anger a little bit.

shalalalala, in the morning;. \"(;,,;)"/

2008-04-12T22:00:00.003+08:00

I was reading Pingping's blog and I chanced upon this web. It tells us not to be fooled by the food packagings! They may look realy nice but end up like .____." wtf. Pundo 3000 shows you how true the packagings of the food really is! Really entertaining. ^___^v

Today I called the cck peeps, and Andrea and Lydia to celebrate Jeffrey's birthday. Though it really is so far off from what I expected... I guess it's our presence that makes it all up :) I shan't tell you what we bought for Jeff but when Lydia and I bought Jeff's present, I got some USB aroma thingy for Darling. :) It's to help him stay awake *__* ~~I know I shouldn't be keeping him up awake~~ while he games. Aren't I such a wonderful person? ^_________________^v~~*

I also bought him some candy. Chocolates and lemon sweets. Sweets for my sweet. Heh xD I wonder why am I buying so much candy for Darling. o_o! Lol. But it's nice okay! I only buy Meiji candy for him... Isn't Meiji just the dreamiest candy&chocolate brand~? Heh :x

Yesterday I went to the Planetshaker's concert with Janelle and Kathlyn and two other idiotic guys called Kevin and Brendan. Lol that Brendan guy got lost at Changi I think ~_~ (omg I forgot how to spell CHANGI for a moment ftw!) The concert was awesome.. Though I fell asleep halfway through.. I think I was too tired out, I could even fall asleep at such a noisy place! zomg pls. :o

I am thinking of buying a dress but it sounds ridiculous... But I think I will be getting it. HAHAHA. :D Let it rot in my closet >:D yeh~~

in the diary of jane;.

2008-04-10T21:46:00.003+08:00

How to play:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press foward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question if it doesn't make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

How are you feeling today?
Good Charlotte - Victims Of Love
I don't know how this relates to how I'm feeling today.
Furthermore, I don't see how this relates to me in any way!

Will you get far in life?
Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles
^_^v along with Darling, I will go even the ends of time with him. :)

How do your friends see you?
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
Wowza~ Cool :]

Will you get married?
Avril Lavigne - Together
I guess it's a yes :x

What is your best friend's theme song?
Wyclef Jean ft. Akon, Lil Wayne & Nia - Sweetest Girl
O-oh, loves please! ^_^v

What is the story of your life?
Younha - Houki Boshi
Filled with shooting stars!
Many many for me to make wishes :D

What was high school like?
Mika - Lollipop
Ooh, sezy, lollipop ^_^v!

How's your life going?
Avril Lavigne - Too Much To Ask
A-ah, my life is filled with enough things :x
I treasure everything.

What's the best thing about your friends?
The All-American Rejects - Move Along
They move along easily? That's sad :(

What song will they play during your funeral?
Papa Roach - Scars
"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut.
My weakness is, that I care too much."
O-oh~

How does the world see you?
Michelle Branch - Everywhere
I am able to teleport and bend time :x

Do people secretly lust after you?
Simple Plan - The End
No link T_T

How can you make yourself happy?
Britney Spears - Walk On By
I don't walk on by everyone :(

What should you do with your life?
Rooster - Staring At The Sun
Keep staring, keep keep staring (at the sun).

Will you ever have children?
Stacie Orrico - (There's Gotta Be) More To Life
If he wants, I'm fine with it. :D

What song would you strip to?
Goldfinger - Stalker
"Oh oh oh, she's following me.
Oh oh oh, she's outta the tree.
... I wanna marry my stalker." Haha, xD

What does your mum thinks of you?
Puffy Ami Yumi - Teen Titans Theme
Maybe because she thinks that I'm still childish but..
I've got a kid in me! xD

What is your deep, dark secret?
Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Shh... Don't tell anyone!

What is your mortal enemy's theme song?
Mediacorp Radio, Dan & Young - My Butt
"I'm gonna invite my mother, my father and everyone to -- *my butt*"
Lols yeah :D

What's your personality like?
The Click Five - Friday Night
Funky <3<3

What song will be played at your wedding?
BeForU - Ki.Se.Ki
-Miracle; <3
Loved ;x

I shall not be tagging anyone ^_^v

three cheers for sweet revenge;.

2008-04-08T17:40:00.004+08:00

Reasons why people of different age groups do not, and are not able to take the bus together.

Students have no choice but to head to school early, but it's a good thing, because otherwise, they'd be stuck with the people of the working population, who will most definitely take up all the space in the bus. But then again, students usually do not take seats, unless they are carrying some disgustingly huge and heavy item. Other than that, either they sit because they're in a big group, or they don't really go for it. ~~Unless they are lazy.~~
After the wave of students, the people of the working population fill up the bus. Indeed, there is an obvious pattern to them. They won't really bother to sit unless they are more or less, made to sit, because they are busy people. And I must emphasize on B-U-S-Y. As they are busy, making them sit down on the bus, and then to alight will waste that little bit of precious time standing up and walking to the exit when they could just walk straight to the exit. Notice that they don't bother to get into the inside seat if you're blocking it from the outside seat.
Then comes the people of the older generation. They literally run for the seats, as if they will NEVER ever get to sit anymore if they don't sit now. They will budge and make you irritated, all because they want to sit on the inside seat that you are blocking. And when you sit on the inside they don't go for the outside seats. Even if they do, they won't really move when you have to alight. Sometimes they come along with small kids, like their grandchildren or nephew and niece or whatever, and this gets really irritating because they don't know how to control them. They let them play on the bus, as if it's a playground. Excuse me, but playgrounds don't move; they are stable.
I really have to respect the most of the elderly, along with pregnant women and people with bulky items. They make no move to get a seat. They don't irritate you even if they see seats. (That is, for at least MOST of them.) They are gracious in a sense that they don't struggle to get seats, not because they can't, but because they give it up to people who seem to need the seat more than them.
In conclusion, people of different age groups CANNOT take the bus together. That is why our buses are always in havoc. *shrugs*

-

10 things you can do while waiting for your turn at a polyclinic.

10. Take a stroll around the polyclinic. In other words, EXPLORE.
9. Try the food they offer.
8. Listen to music.
7. Play your PSP.
6. Make words out of the words on your slip of paper with your queue number.
5. Imagine people in swimsuits.
4. Visit the washrooms.
3. Look at the expressions of people when they come out of the doctor's room.
2. Notice the people who come out after an X-ray, a blood test etc.
1. Peep at people's queue number and feel happy that your queue number is smaller than them. HA! =x

-

Replies to tags:

@anonymous: lol. catch no ball. =x
@jeffy: [flok-suh-naw-suh-nahy-hil-uh-pil-uh-fi-key-shuhn]
@JASMINE: stop hello-ing me -___- don't you have anythine else to say to me? =x
@andrea: i prefer tieddown though. andshedied sounds so emo \: justin doesn't want me to be emo. besides, it's only my masculine side that seems emo. >:i
@vin-.-: it's an english word pls. >:@ it is a noun. a Rare word. it is the estimation of something as valueless (encountered mainly as an example of one of the longest words in the English language). u like indians.
@lydia: stop trying to impress me with your IQ of 58 pls. =x

-

I don't really have much to say these few days because nothing of particular interest caught my eye. Though I must say it is partially because of the upcoming MYE. Don't ask me what's wrong with my English now, or my way of typing. I don't seem to know why either. :o

p/s: I will be doing up the ZOO:D trip post by this week. Sorry for being so slow =x Heh heh ^__^v

-

Here's a random inspiration :o

It is amazing how knee injuries can come in the form of morse code on the skin above it. Not by light, but by little short and long strikes of lightning. Everytime Emlyn's meets with a little injury, it would, at the very least, end him in the hospital.

That afternoon, Emlyn was hospitalised and his family went to visit him. The doctor had said this time, the injury was pretty serious and that he cannot be left alone, for fear that he would try to stand up. Ellie, his sister, groaned. There was a family carnival a few days away and this had to crop up.

"Mom, will we still be going to the carnival?" Ellie asked, trying not to get her hopes up high. Her mother shook her head, not daring to speak, lest she crumbles. Emlyn's sister had just about it; all the attention on Emlyn only. She threw a fit.

However, before Ellie got out of hand, her mother left a red, burning scar on her face. It was something that had never happened before. She slapped her.

"Enough is enough! Aren't you the least bit concerned about your brother here? Don't you want him to get well?" Her mother snapped. Her father pulled her mother out of the ward, to help her calm down. Just so you know, shame is five-fingered.

why should i care;.

2008-04-04T17:43:00.000+08:00

lol. check this out :D

parabola.GRAPH. } !ferris.WHEEL².♥

hmm. i'm doing my bio notes now. :) i will do a better update later ^__^v

Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me;.

2008-04-01T23:59:00.002+08:00

I never told you that I liked the way your hair smelled,
Or that your eyes always sparked.

I never told you that you always cheered me up,
Or that you made me feel pretty and smart.

I never told you I wanted to kiss you,
That I wanted to hold you close.

I never told you that all those times I said mean things I didn't mean them,
Even when they said you liked me, secretly I wished it were true.

I never told you that I always waited for you,
That I continued waiting even when we behave like each didn't existed.

I never told you that you meant so muct to me,
That I hate you for going away, only to come back when I'm done.

All this time, there was one thing that I nearly missed out,
That I never told you that I truly appreciate everything that you've done,
And I love you for that; Forever, and For eternity.

This is our fate, I'm yours.

2008-03-30T21:51:00.002+08:00

Today has been a rather crappy day overall. Though I met up with Darling, it was quite short amount of time.. And plus the fact that I promised my mom to have dinner at home, so... I had to leave him first \: .. And if I defied my mother, he wouldn't have missed his bus stop and be stranded on a freaking highway now... It is so totally my fault... Also that I kinda borrowed some money from him... If I didn't he would have enough money in his wallet ~__~ I feel so .... ...

I don't know why, the past week (and also currently) flew by in a blink of an eye, and I don't remember almost everything. It's like Hey, what did I do this week? Hmm, today's Sunday?? OMG?! *remembers remembers* The week is... is already gone? that kind of thing... \: I guess it's time I penned down all my bottled emotions. And because of that song, I decided on my autobiography. Fear not, it will not be boring. My personal editor is Darling :) And... I'll be starting the 1st part of my autobiography later.

Devastation tore through her like a rogue missile, numbing it to reality.

You look so beautiful today; when you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away.

2008-03-29T20:00:00.001+08:00

Hey :) I know my blog has been so-so dead. xD That's because I've been to busy studying, going out and gaming at the same time ^__^v And also been quite lazy to finish decorating all the pictures ~_~ Especially the quarter-2e4o7 outing *__* But I'm doing, T__T sigh!

[EDIT]
Damn... The photos aren't uploading! :( :( :( The server's down tonight I guess T__T Just when I was in the mood to do this... *stomps off, cursing*

self professed; profound;.

2008-03-25T17:50:00.003+08:00

"So what do you plan on doing now?" The voices echoed in my head.

I shrugged. "I'll just play by ear, I guess. There isn't much I can do, can I?" I mumbled. For a moment, I stopped dead in my tracks. Indeed, they could be harsh at times but they keep me awake. Back then, juggling many things was my forte... However the tables have turned and I am struggling.

"You can forget about keeping your other persona." A gentle yet unfeeling voice purred.

My other persona..? I sighed. It was evident that I could only handle two lives, and no more than that. I refused to believe it, for a year now, and the consequence of rebelling is huge.

"Don't bite off more than you can chew." Another voice hissed.

How many times have I heard this warning? A leopard never changes its spots... "This is bad," I muttered. "This nauseous feeling that keeps coming back..."

It made me sick, made me tired... The rogue missile of devastation that keeps coming back at me, a heat sensor attached to it... Or rather, a hell havoc wrecker after me.

"Fight it, you know you can. Just remember your limits..." A single, steady voice slowly ebbed out of my head. "And yes, you have to remember to stop talking to yourself in public."

last year's wishes are this year's apologies.

2008-03-21T19:09:00.002+08:00

I don't know if it's overwhelming happiness or just the effects of consuming esctasy.
And if it was a dream I'd love to never wake up.

Sorry I don't know everything you want,
Sorry I can't be everything,
Sorry I thought I could,
And sorry for everything said and done.

- - -

I went to the zoo today with a quarter of 2e4'o7 :D it totally rocked please. Mr Chong was like so tired at the end of the day. =x And the white tigers were really really lovely. ^__^v
I'll post up the pictures later.

What if I be the one who takes the blame? What if I can't go on without you?

2008-03-20T21:21:00.004+08:00

What if you were given 10 minutes,
What would you do?

What if you were given another chance,
What would you do?

What if you were given a wish,
What would you wish for?

What if none of this happened at all,
What would you be doing now?

What if I said I love you ...
..
Would you break my heart?

i can't live if living is without you.

2008-03-19T21:20:00.002+08:00

It's okay if nothing's left,
It's okay if things get high and dry,
I just want you to know,
And this you must hear,
That I mean it when I say,
I love you.

i've been waiting here by the phone.

2008-03-17T00:27:00.002+08:00

I can don't see him for 2 days.
I can't don't see him for more than 1 week.

I can don't talk to him for 20 minutes.
I can't don't talk to him for more than a day.

I can don't sms him for 2 hours.
I can't don't sms him for more than 4 hours.

I can don't think about him for a second.
I can't don't think about him for more than 30 seconds.

I... I can't be without him.
It's still... very far away from the 24th. ...

Darling please call me :(
Even jeff tried =x
Please :(

when you call, my heart stops beating. when you're gone, it won't stop bleeding.

2008-03-16T13:28:00.003+08:00

._.
i realised how nolife my holidays are. there's not a single bit about me going out to have fun. isn't that such a wonderful, fruitful holiday? of going to school and nolife-ing on the comp because i'm too tired to go out after studying? *shrugs*

i am such a nolifer~ i have to be proud of it. ._.

*runs into a corner and crys*

haha okay, not so melodramatic =x but seriously.
T_______________T "nolifers pwnxzxz"

crappyshit :(

will you be watching the same sunset as me? :(

2008-03-15T22:10:00.003+08:00

darling will be flying off at 12 tonight. :(
i am missing you so much already! >.<
come back quick ~~though you already told me 24th march~~ :( :( :(

somehow this reminds me of 'sky of love'. review here.
"I want to be the sky so I can see you wherever you are." -Hiro

also, darling told me to smile for him before he left.

T______________________T

p/s: he just told me he forgot his winter clothes. - - .. sobs.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *crys*

heavenly days

2008-03-15T00:31:00.002+08:00

:(
darling is going to china for more than a week! the thought of not being able to see him for like oh so long is probably going to kill me :( 2 days already so sad, i can't think of what, 7 or more days? omg :( :( :(
i'm gonna miss my darling like mad luhs.. T_______________T

T______________________________________________________T!
._. i love you.

just like the way we do when it's 9 in the afternoon.

2008-03-14T01:02:00.002+08:00

... and so I ran.
I ran with my bare feet against the cold snow to remind me that the same coldness is hidden in my heart. I ran until my lungs were about to burst, I ran until I could find no more path before me. I ran hoping I would find you in the end.
What a fool I've been.
There has been nothing here but emptiness.

As the gentle autumn breeze find its place in my hair, I close my eyes and smile.. For a moment I thought it was your gentle touch, your lips whispering words of tenderness... however it was nothing but the wind taking away more of me.

Looking up to the sky I glance back to see the crimson trail I've been leaving behind.. Fuck, I hate this weakness.
After a deep breath I decided I shall not miss anything in this life; I shed my skin and give myself in to the darkness that so gently calls my name. It embraces me with its long strong arms and holds me so tightly against it that I lose my last breath crying out your name in pain.

But you'll never hear it.

~~i believed in us.~~

*

I was broken.

I ran with my bare feet against the cold snow. I ran until my lungs were about to burst. I ran until I could find no more path before me. Escaping from reality seemed to be the sweetest way out after you broke the truth to me.
Indeed, I had been the fool all along.
Misery loves me.

Collapsing onto the unfeeling, icy cold ground, I felt warmth. I closed my eyes and smiled... only to be brought back up in your warm arms. Like a beautiful lie, I slapped you hard in the face. No, I don't want to be taken away any way, anymore.

You pulled me into those arms with such a warmness I had never felt in such a long time. Gently, I gave in to my weakness and cried.
Those tears flowed so freely I literally became a sobbing wreck. I let my guard down and give myself to you. For the second time in my life, I place my shattered heart and broken trust into someone whom i believe can fix me. I lost my breath crying out your name in pain..

This time you heard it.

Don't ever let me go.

o1o1o8;o448

am i far enough to make you miss me?

2008-03-12T23:19:00.001+08:00

that kinda hurted.. i'm already trying so hard.
you didn't have to stab me there, where my heart used to be.
..

you know I’ll be there for you.

2008-03-10T12:38:00.003+08:00

i've been gaming for the past two days, and my ingame level is like, 34 now. but i won't be able to keep playing -_- maybe yes on the weekends :( feel so :(
and :) i love you boy. thank you for everything:D (as per usual) i really don't know what to say :o i feel just as blessed as you ^__^v

(what a fuggly retarded post. must be the lack of sleep. but i really love justin :D)

You look so beautiful today.

2008-03-04T17:45:00.006+08:00

It is amazing how the world can still go on when your world has caved in once again. Despite having met with the same event, the way to deal it has been long forgotten, as if an ancient way. The reason why we learn history, is because we do not want to make the same mistakes. But has anybody really learnt anything from it all?
You can try to guard the [perfect] idea, freeze and frame it, so hard that you ignore all the scratches on the surface and look right through them as though it were really perfect. But how long, can you keep it guarded? Why do you feel as though you need to keep score or gain the upper hand?
It is only a matter of time, before you realise that you've overlooked and tried to ignore that one chapter of your life. Whatever empowered you to think about this all, well, you've just simply come to terms with yourself and what really happened, because there are some things in your life you can forgive but can't forget.

an extract from one of my weirdest stories ever. i feel like... o__o; because my stories have never sounded like that. anyhow. i think that this is how i can express it most in words. i've lost all powers to pen a poem anymore.
it's much better showing than telling anyway \: at least that is the freedom i gain in writing prose. :i
no, there isn't any hidden meaning in this. i'm just... expressing my thoughts and all now. *smiles weakly* there is nothing to hide. nothing.

* * *

Brenda & I didn't want to go to school today again. Don't know why. But I guess going today wasn't such a bad choice... Except for the fact that it was REALLY cold. & we forgot to bring our jackets. *__*;
A.Maths - We weren't too cold at first, so things just went on as per normal. Yay, Janson sat in front of me again... Can disturb him... ~~LOL~~
SS - As interesting as ever. My SS teacher so totally rocks please. :) She always has a story to tell us ^__^v and they're always so entertaining luh. :-o
Chinese - A sudden wave of sianzationess lapped over all of us... Ohmy. :-o but as per usual, Adele, Joei, Brenda and occasionally Veronica would try to distract the teacher into doing something else... And today they succeeded. Very well. ^__^v

Recess - Nothing much -__- I had quite a boring recess today. Don't know why.. Just felt so off. Maybe because it got really cold and froze me half off. :-o lols.

Chemistry - Oh my godo, I don't know why today's lesson lasted like, FOREVER. Maybe it's because teacher squeezed 2 chapters into 2 periods *__*; and started screaming again @__@;
Lights - Same old boring lesson. Izzuan went super crazy luhs. Kept disturbing Brenda & me. ~__~ Finished my tic-tacs and dropped a few water babies (from my handphone thingy and Brenda's) inside. Lights lesson is super boring please.
E.Maths - Nothing much covered today because teacher was busy doing the admin. stuff for maths. Like the SingaporeMathsOlympiad and remedials. Oh woots mansxzxz. Syazwan thinks he is Mas Selamat. -__- Seriously, I don't know him =x ^__^v
English - Oh, my favourite lesson since I don't need to do much studying ^__^v Brenda & I kept laughing luh. Damn Izzuan and Janson... And the water babies lmao. It suicided! And we laughed our heads off lmao.

Lunch - Pretty much as boring as Recess. *__*; sigh.

SST/Remedial - Spent SST in the library crapping with Brenda, Cheryl, Adele, Joei, Edsel, Charles and Galton. I pity Galton today. -__- Don't know how he studies with the whole table making so much noise lol. Haha. Remedial was crap. Like chinese lesson because it was chinese lesson.

Overall, today was a pretty much ok-ok day. Haha. Laughter is the best medicine I guess. Brenda said I was crazy today. \: It's not like I'm crazy everyday. I mean, seriously. I've never laughed this much in school -__- Maybe it's because of something else I don't know inside me like, it's dying or something. \: At least I no-lifed in school today, occupying me with useless things. Oh yeah, so fun...

p/s: My sec3 camp's in Changi/Bukit Batok. Like wth?? There's a terrorist that was last seen there, and my school's going there to camp?? What is wrong with everyone? The sec3 cohort isn't, over my dead body, going to catch some terrorist and be on the front page of the newspaper you know? I am so not going. ~~There's a terrorist on the loose and we're going to camp. Like wootsxzxz.~~

L wants candy

2008-03-03T21:01:00.003+08:00

L wants candy!
The lip sync part is just awesome.
i like his smile at 1.45 zomg :-o
Enjoy! :D

p/s: he's just so hot cuz his lips are those to die for ones. yeaps. *_* hehe. it's a fact isn't it? :}

leave the past in the past, gonna find the future.

2008-03-03T14:48:00.006+08:00

i didn't want to go to school today. but i thought about brenda and -_- went to school. because if i didn't go today, she would skip school on another day and leave me to rot in class alone. LOL.
and brenda told me she didn't want to go to school today too. adele wasn't in school today, so if both of us didn't go to school, that would make 4 absentees in class, including fareha. even though it wasn't planned the teacher would suspect that we skipped school today but yeah, that isn't the case. see, we are good obedient students. *beams*
so, for rewarding myself, i treated myself to hokkien mee. :) with brenda. ~~though we skipped some workshop thingy~~ it has been a long time since i ate it *_* hehe. so yeah, i'm still eating now. :) the chilli rocks! =x

oh yah... ms rita gave us an english comprehension to complete today. and there was this funny statement...
"Ah Cheong, the next zoo icon..." *looks at alvin*

@Jes:
orh okay. *_* dont take any offense though. i'm just stating what i see without going in depth because i'm not supposed to know, i think. but... what do you mean by "doesn't even know the basic things about God"..? o: (no underlying meanings, but uhm, i'd like to hear from you :) ^^)

hearts around the world are on fire tonight.

2008-03-01T20:38:00.005+08:00

:)

happy 6th monthsary to my dearest fwb, ily ;D
happy 2nd monthsary to you&me=x

and because today was our 2nd month, justin and his father whipped up a feast. yeaps, i just finished. the feast looked like those you'd find in restaurants, with a huge chicken! omg, you know i can't handle chicken so uhm, i just ate the little piece by the side =x oh and the mashed potatoes were like so, sdoginsrohmytiannasraourbga wonderful.
the cabbage was pwnsome too :D hmm, like his father said, it was the sausage that pwned us, because it contains 35% fats, making it quite a filling part of the dinner. also, the mushrooms were sooo nice! i dunnoe why got 2 different colours de o_o but yeah! those were the button mushrooms! the edible ones for me :) as i only eat button and enoki mushrooms :)

yeahyeah, now i forgot what i wanted to type. hehe.

I LOVE L PLEASE :D i mean i love kenichi. hehe.
but then.
i love justinian more pl0x. he's like, mine. :}
mine pl0x. xD

if i gave you this box of awesome nothing, would you go away?

2008-02-29T16:13:00.003+08:00

it's another leap year. isn't it like so cool? :o i like the science behind it.
it's 29th febuary today.

* * *

i know it has been 10 days since i last updated my blog. i haven't really had time to take care of my life. ~.~ sigh. it has been a long time since i bought anything for myself, and had a proper rest of at least six hours. meh. i'm really tired.

it's been a long time since i had a dream. it's been a long time since i actually touched my comp to do something i want. it's been a long time since i had anything nice to eat.

i want to get away.

i want to.

fly.

away.

because i can't seem to be able to let go,

to let go,

of.

my pride.

have you ever been alone in a crowded room when i'm here with you?

2008-02-19T21:33:00.007+08:00

i promised the pictures from my v.day celebration with justin.. here they are~ don't be jealous =x

{ i agree with justin that mine was one of the biggest bouquets. he said it costed near 3 digits or 3 digits alre, x__x!

{ though they're just 2 presents, the rest of the surprise was wonderful. :]

{ this is what's inside the smaller present :] i can't bear to eat it!

{ this is what's inside the bigger present :] ~~OMG SIBERIAN HUSKY SOFT TOY~~

{ the remnants of the bouquet. it's still surviving! (1 more rose at the other side of the vase~)

{ a white rose for my love. :]

{ highlights of the vday concert in church! zomg:]

happy belated v.day to all! with no sugar added!

The Echoing Origins: From the Heavens Above

A gift from God, a newborn child,
A sunflower in the field, waiting to bloom.
One day soon, she's gonna grow up,
Into a wonderful woman who will do His works.

A work of God, a little girl,
A daisy in the pasture, looking for the sun.
It's inevitable; she's gotta grow up,
Into a marvellous woman who will praise Him forever.

A masterpiece of God, a fine young woman,
A red rose in the garden, in its fullest bloom.
Today will be the day she unites with her love,
She'll have a family who will serve the Lord eternally.

A woman of the Lord; her mission accomplished,
A lily in the meadows, awaiting the final judgement.
As the casket grey skies pours forth so freely,
She will now, once again, live and reign with the Lord.

-Tsukiyume

* * *
got this, on my 2nd try. :]
see i am such an avid computer user.

2008-02-18T19:37:00.005+08:00

to all the people out there who dislike me (why am i even posting this?)
it's your problem if you want to, because i don't even give two hoots about it. there's only two things you need to know about me, that is, i do not practise 'hate' and i will not disturb you if you don't disturb me. i find no need to talk about any specific person here as this is to the general public. say all you want about me because frankly speaking, it hurts me in no way. you're probably just jealous of me (i don't know what either) and you just want to be like me (cuz i have something you don't?).
you can hurt me all you want, you can try to humiliate me, but you can never take away what makes me, me. i stand in the name of the Lord, and i am trying to do His works everyday. you can stop from doing anything, you can try to bring me down, but you can never stop me from doing what i yearn to do, to love and to praise, to worship and to seek, to be everything the Lord wants me to do.
say whatever you want, i shall not bother to retaliate, because in doing so, you have just revealed your weakness.

i am speaking pure english here; neither flaunting my english nor bitching around (as what you call). at least i don't twit. :o i am just stating my stand here, try to beat me at my game and you'll prove your worth.
flame me on your blog, whatever - i feel that my blog should not be dragged down by such a subject. :)

your problem for infatuating on something you shouldn't, and then later getting angry and confused, resulting in having to insult somebody who doesn't even care about what you say. (and now you're saying to yourself 'i just typed it for myself~' but who cares.)

besides, are you sure you even know him? :)

on a side note...
i don't really have time for this. it's up to you to read it as an insult, or as an advice. just to let you know, it's not your time for something like that yet, so just wait. i waited for seven bloody years yeah. so stop wallowing in your self-pity, get up, and walk. you're bound to meet someone someday. He knows it's not time yet.

that's when i love you, i love you with all my heart.

2008-02-15T19:51:00.002+08:00

justin brought me to celebrate valentine's day yesterday :] i still trusted him not to scam me -__- lol. i shall tell the story once again~ since so many people asked me...

we were supposed to meet at 6.15 at vivo at earle's but i didn't make it in time. so we decided to meet at candy empire. he said he was there but i couldn't find him. HEY, i'm good at spotting wally okay. so i called him, but he didn't pick up..
i walked around in candy empire, found nothing appealing so i walked out and this weird weird guy approached me, holding a box of chocolates. he walked up to me and i was surprised?
"uhm, my girlf just dumped me... and now i have this box of chocolates... i don't know who else to give to, so would you take it, please?" he asked
duh, i wouldn't take it. like how am i gonna tell justin some weird random guy on the street gave me chocolates?? -___-;; i still want my heart in one piece yeah.
he kept insisting that i should take it, so being the oh-so-nice person i have always been xD i accepted it, reluctantly, feeling remorseful for taking somebody else's chocolates LMAO.

then i walked to the other side after the weird weird guy disappeared, only to find wei peng.
"eh, you also here ah?" he said.
"ya. what you doing here?" i asked.
"the girl i asked out said she couldn't come out the last minute. then i'm holding her present now... i cannot bring it home so i give you la."
like wth? i'm not a rubbish bin la!
"what's inside?" i asked.
"chocolates la." he said.
"so big box! must be bomb right!" i accused.
"no! i'm serious, just take it!" he defended.
"no~ i know it's a bomb inside.."
"faster la, my mother calling me already~"
i kept trying to persuade him to help me contact justin, and at that moment i saw him coming down the escalator with a bouquet of roses. and wei peng was beside me. i don't know if he was laughing or not.
then i told justin about the weird weird guy and me being a valentine's dustbin. hahahahaha. what a scammer luh =x but i still love him. this was his plan =x because my friends, in which he initially planned, turned him down last minute.. so uhm, the surprise wasn't as what he planned but still, it was c'est magnifque~!

we went to earle's swensons :i and uhm, i have no comments. i don't like eating ~.~ but uhm, eating once in a while is fine~ i guess. we had the soup of the day which was SUPER nice luh, then the main course and the dessert. the skyjuice thingy was niceee except that it was stingy on my tongue. ^^" we didn't spend so much time eating and we left our ice cream cake in earle's first. =x we rushed off to catch kungfudunk. haha. the show is super damn funny LAH. it has no plot and the song is just .... =.=
one of the lyrics of the song goes like, "if i kicked you lightly you would fly to the end of the world. if i kicked you, there would be no world left." like wth?? super funny la!

after the movie we walked more, with me holding my bouquet. it was like one of the biggest, zomg. we also collected our ice cream cake, and YEAH, it came with dry ice. :] we played with the dry ice after we finished our cake, like throwing them into the water display on the 3rd floor. the people who saw us throwing the dry ice in must have thought in the cake box was some secret fun toy~ haha.

i will never this day =x i feel so happy~ hehe. i'll post the pictures later =x

you're one in a million..

2008-02-11T23:27:00.001+08:00

.. and that's why i love you.

2008-02-10T02:49:00.000+08:00

i never placed my trust in anyone,
til the day that i met you.
you caught me open.
and now im bleeding.

i dont know why it happened,
some things just don't have a reason.
now i carry these scars.
for everyone to see.

i never had a perfect flawless body to begin with.
these scars are nothing in comparison to __;
my heart melted.
and its trickling. away.

(c)-tsukiyume2008

fuck my weakness,
fuck my pride.
fuck the world upside down,
fuck it all.

tell me what's a girl to do when her heart is broken but she daren't tell anyone? tell me what's a girl to do when she has broken her guy's heart and can't fix it again? tell me what am i to do, because i'm the one who'd done all those? i'm despicable, aren't i? just because my heart is broken it doesn't give me the right to break others, am i not wrong??? but i just had to test the water, to feel what it's like. i know i've never died before, but... am i such a schadenfreude? i don't even know what i'm doing. am i really that stupid? do i not know where the line is, for others, the line for pain? have i not drawn it out long ago? or has the standard went up by a whole full 5 notches?
i'm sorry i offered you a shattered heart in exchange for the whole heart... i'm just probably a stupid dumbass who is destined to be a loner, outcast...

i tried to be the best i could, it just wasn't enough. i'm still trying. trying to be someone everybody likes. i have never stopped. i guess i'll never be accepted by society, will i? it's a fact that i'll have to accept it sooner or later. there's no point in delaying it... jeffrey tells me that whether u live life happily or sadly, the outcome is still the same. so live life happily. i'm trying to be happy, i want to be happy, i wish to be happy, i yearn to be happy. ... but nothing'll work right?

i'm a freak.

and i'm bloody freaking sorry. it'll never be enough. nothing will.

im sorry about the things i said before

2008-02-10T02:24:00.000+08:00

you can choose not to blame me, but you can't stop me from blaming myself. i know i've let you down countless times since the day we met, i'll never be able to satisfy your standards. this letter of apology will probably not mean a thing to you...
i'm sorry i lied about the pride i never had... i'm sorry i still never opened up fully to you. i'm still afraid of the world, even my mother doesn't know me anymore. i know you probably don't trust me anymore, not anything that i say... it's okay... but i will never stop loving you, like i did, from the start, as i promised you eternity. you can let me go, but i'll never let you go.
i'm sorry i shook it too hard, i never thought it'd result in a fall. i didn't mean to drop it, i didn't... i'm sorry i didn't hold it properly enough, i'm sorry that was a promise i wasn't able to fulfil.
i know no amount of apology could probably make up for this, and i'm disgusted at how i let my 400+odd days of fixing you up got trashed in a second. i'm sorry i don't even treasure myself that much. i... am still trying to love myself.
i'll always be the ugly duckling that'll never grow up, and i'll die alone. i don't see myself anywhere past 17.
"i never meant the things i said to make you cry, can i say i'm sorry?
it's hard to forget, and yes i regret, all these mistakes."
sorry this letter is all about "i" and myself defending myself... it's just that... i don't know how else should i open up. do you really want to see what's inside of me? do you? i will, just give me time. i'm still ashamed of who i really am inside. but if you want to i will. i'll do anything for you, if you ask. but ... i won't let you know how much misery i am in, no matter how much pain i'm going through.. i will never let you know... until i can take it no more ...
i shall shed away all the pride i have, until the core. and if i don't, you can choose to reprimand me in anyway you want. i'm a horrible person, worser than you. i just never told you.
there will be no end to this, but... i just want to let you know that i still love you. you can choose to think i'm a hypocrite, a liar, a charlaten... anything. all i know is that, i really do love you. and i mean it, from the bottom of my heart.
my heart is probably hollow... but now it's more than half filled. i want to believe it. i want to.
if i have to suffer a damnation of luck, i will. because i really love you.

what hurts the most, was being so close.

2008-02-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

i'm kind of very pissed now. i shall not say why. my headache's only making it worse. AND i'm emoing pretty badly now.
usually when my music player plays that particular ddr song, i don't get affected by it. but today, it hit me hard. so. i am in a very bad mood now. not say bad... just foul.

Blind Justice

"When, and where has thou art love gone?"
Her soul cries out, but to no avail.
A heart now, grief-ridden, is once again born,
Such intricate it twines, oh the little details.

Let's just pretend that we are together,
Because I wanna spend the night with you.
It's obvious we won't last, let alone forever,
But I wanted to try it, and I wanted you.

That night you asked me out alone,
I knew better than to test the water - still..
If only I had of myself, a clone,
So many little sins, I wish I could kill.

To think I felt like this, for you,
To think your words could even melt.
If only I had the strength to, instead, melt you,
I wouldn't have even, for you this much, felt.

(c)-tsukiyume2008

~~I can't rhyme this one.. My head's spinning.~~
Here's to the tears I shed for him, here's to the night we were so alive. Here's to the things we did in the blue of the night, here's to the feelings so real, they felt. This is to ___ D':

* * *

Today, Lydia and I went out. :] If you guys can guess where did we go and what did we do, specifically, i will treat you to macs:D hehe. haha.
Minigame included too! :D guess where each one of the photos was taken, or what is in the picture! :D

Let's GUESS. :]

Picture 1:

Clue: I am on my way to ______ - taken this picture on the transport :D

Picture 2:

Clue: What is this! Specify whose item and the unique-ity of it :D

Picture 3:

Clue: I am still on my way there! - taken this picture while waiting .....

Picture 4:

Clue: Woo! I'm already there! :D But where!

Picture 5:

Clue: This is making things quite obvious! :D Where am i?

Picture 6:

Clue: Ohmy! This is really obvious now! Where am i and what did i do, specifically?

Picture 7:

Clue: I am hungry. What did i eat? At where =x

Picture 8:

Clue: Wah lau =x you know where there is dirty water opened to the public..

Picture 9:

Clue: Tell me where do these kinda things reside :D

Picutre 10:

Clue: Yeah, where in Singapore will you find this kind of tiles :D

Picture 11:

Clue: VERY OBVIOUS ALREADY :D

Picture 12:

Clue: You know the tiles :D

Picture 13:

Clue: More tiles :D

Picture 14:

Clue: LMAO. IT'S JUST A CLOSEUP SHOT :D TRY AND GUESS~

Send your answers via my Plugoo messenger :D leave your name and contact number there :D :D haha!
One last word....

* * *

THIS THINGS ROCKS :D

& I HOPE 3e1 WILL BE ALMOST LIKE 2e4 :i

BRENDA :D

when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight.

2008-02-04T00:33:00.000+08:00

... and so I ran.
I ran with my bare feet against the cold snow to remind me that the same coldness is hidden in my heart. I ran until my lungs were about to burst, I ran until I could find no more path before me. I ran hoping I would find you in the end.
What a fool I've been.
There has been nothing here but emptiness.

As the gentle autumn breeze find its place in my hair, I close my eyes and smile.. For a moment I thought it was your gentle touch, your lips whispering words of tenderness... however it was nothing but the wind taking away more of me.

Looking up to the sky I glance back to see the crimson trail I've been leaving behind.. Fuck, I hate this weakness.
After a deep breath I decided I shall not miss anything in this life; I shed my skin and give myself in to the darkness that so gently calls my name. It embraces me with its long strong arms and holds me so tightly against it that I lose my last breath crying out your name in pain.

But you'll never hear it.

~~i believed in us.~~

this is an intro of me i wrote on my friendster. how true it is, except for the last part which i wrote when i was torn. or at least i thought i was. ~.~ some people keep telling me to break out of that mental barrier... lol.
but still. i feel very :( now. crys.

i am SO lost.

2008-01-31T20:35:00.000+08:00

FUCKED
UP

i never placed my trust in anyone,
til the day that i me you.
you caught me open.
and now im bleeding.

i dont know why it happened,
some things just don't have a reason.
now i carry these scars.
for everyone to see.

i never had a perfect flawless body to begin with.
these scars are nothing in comparison to __;
my heart melted.
and its trickling. away.

fuck i hate this weakness.
i hate it.
i hate myself.

i may be emotional but i'm not weak, because it takes a strong person to cry.

ki . se . ki

2008-01-31T00:54:00.000+08:00

YESTERDAY WAS ENXIN'S BIRTHDAY.

though things didn't go the way it was planned, we still got our message through. :] haha. happy belated birthday from my blog la, :D

* * *

why is warbook lagging so muchhhhh. this bloody effin guy hit me, so i retaliate and he hit me back, what's his problem? i shall whack his bloody face upside down.

* * *

hello darling, i love you, :D

2008-01-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

what's your problem lah, fucking asshole? it's not as if i use the computer every night right? and when i come home late i'm always in my uniform, not in home clothes. it's like you bear a grudge lah. seriously if you wish to disown me, to not acknowledge me as your daughter, i'll be more than happy to agree to it. in fact, i don't mind telling others i never had a father.
look lah, seriously. who's the one using the computer every night? obviously not me right? i'll be too BUSY, studying like some shitass nerd. one day i'm so gonna have mental breakdown or maybe get knocked down by a car while studying and walking and you'll regret it. hmm, actually you won't even regret it lah, you don't have a daughter like me. and i never had a father like you.
all readers out there, this was not said in spite of this so called father of mine. if i couldn't control my temper i would've shouted back at him and probably fist fight with him. i'm very gracious now; i even TALKED out with him and he shouted & hit me back. i didn't retaliate this time. even on weekends i only get to touch the computer on either saturday night or sunday afternoon. i barely use the computer now on weekdays. and i've got a better hold of my vulgarities now, so don't you be coming to lecture me on my language and behavious as a feminine creature because hell, i don't give a fucking damn about this matter anymore. i shall never ever speak to this so called close kin of mine because this is the last straw. i don't care what he thinks, whether he regrets, because whatever he fucking does, i don't really give a shit no more.
i don't even care to even bother to curse him. because it's just a waste of energy. yeah sure you all will say that it's my fault for using the computer and noone gets to use it. hello sir, the one sitting in front of the computer EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL IS NOT ME, it is that so called fucking retard bro of mine SITTING THERE, HIS DAMN ARSE FIXED TO THAT BLOODY STOOL, YAH. DOES THAT RETARD LOOK LIKE ME? like duh, NO. i am so much more like a normal person though there's this really high chance of me not being able to take the stress in school anymore and breaking down soon and probably gonna suffer from some down syndrome shit thing yeah?? damnit! you never even ASK when you want to use the computer. you just come and say, "eh, *******************, i said 3 days ago i want to use the computer." WTF?? 3 days ago i let you use. if you want to use now you can just ask right? dont go like "how many times have i said i want to use the computer?" when you never even breathed a single word about it? then vent your anger on me. what the hell is wrong with you? WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM? GET OFF ME AND FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE! GET OFF MY BACK! BECAUSE I HATE YOU, I DISLIKE YOU, I DETEST YOU, YOUR FACE MAKES ME SICK, I ABHOR YOU.

you know what?
whatever.

because i never had a father.

p/s: i've put up 10 years with him (not counting childhood days because i can barely remember anything). from his derogatory & demoralising words that hurt like a thousand needles pricking at my soul, to the time he whacked me with a hammer (yes he did, i swear my nose almost broke), i never ever had a father like this. i don't give a damn to my childhood because damnnit! i never had one. and now i'm gonna live my teenage life the way i want it, and the way that is right. yes this is the 2nd time i'm gonna try to live my life the correct way, with justin's help and valery, the one who will always motivate me to walk to right way. oh okay, andrea and others too.
p/p/s: many people have told me not to do this to my blog but i have no one else to shout this out to. this blog is probably all that i have left to leave all my troubles on.. justin's busy now, andrea, lydia and jeffrey won't understand, and the others will ask me to talk things out with him but apparently it doesn't work, after numorous tries, but to no avail. back then when i was 8 or sth i started telling people i didn't have a father.. but i gave him a chance when i was 9 and my school mates started trashing my ego so i didn't have choice because i needed sth to blame on, and anyway, i already hated him... i gave him a chance but i didn't really forgive him. i'm trying hard not to hate him, cuz the bible says so... but. he left me with no choice. no don't counter attack me with "you have a choice. you just don't want to use it. or you don't want to face it. or you don't want to get closer back." whatever? it feels bad. because i seriously can't stand talking to him.

yes, i never had a father. and i will not be taking down this post because i mean every single word i typed here. i will not eat my words.

i found im scared to know im always on your mind.

2008-01-28T14:30:00.000+08:00

watched cloverfield with justin yesterday. ~~stop it brenda, it's not chlorophyll~~ for most people, they'd say it's a movie of no meaning.. well it actually HAS NO MEANING, it's just the first person perspective view of the show that scares the shit out of you. imagine urself being the one facing the weird thingys in the show! ohmy! :D
justin said the ending was pretty haunting. i didnt want to think much about it so i didnt comment anything about it... come to think of it... it kinda IS haunting. "i love you." "i love you too." *and they die* like wtf? and yeah.. leaves you trembling there. like what the fuck la!
it wasnt really that scary... it was the bloody super cold air conditioning that made it worser la. i was shaking so badly =.=" the aircon like free de.. yeah, it seemed like international free airconditioning day yesterday. the aircon was practically freezing me luh. it was cold everywhere i went. MEH.

anyway. :D

you're beautiful, just the way you are. and i love it all, every line and every scar.

2008-01-25T19:17:00.000+08:00

Me and you, setting in a honeymoon... If I woke up next to you... If I woke up next to you

i can't believe it. another school week just went by! unbelievable. i think i would give this week a 8.5/10 rating for fun luh! lmao, sorry luh.. not that i enjoy lessons or whatever, it's just that brenda just got lamer and we kinda entertained each other in a much more ludicrous manner than we ever did... haha!
every monday breaks are like for us to crap about the teachers... it's so fun luh, more fun than last year. we exchange textbooks during break and return them after school. we laugh in class like nothing really matters. we also take pictures in class, knowing that our professional photo taking skills will be of use (so the teacher wont see). like this:

lol okay, so random... BRENDA! i know you love it xD social studies is fun... in a way =x the teacher so cute! the way she speaks to enthusiastically :o

MR CHONG'S BIRTHDAY IS ON 26TH JANUARY! HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY TO YOU! :D e4'o6/o7 ROCKS OUR SMELLY SOCKS PLEASE!!

e4'o6/o7 is loves please!

th.guys ;

th.girls ;

the 3rd year we're celebrating something for him. (teacher's day & his birthday included in the past 2 years) ~~MEITING EXTRA LUH~~

* * *

double deckered buses are love. :] you know why ;DD

&thbest!

* * *

i'm too sexy for my jacket:D

&iloveyou,

a broken heart's parade

2008-01-22T18:19:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna be like Cinderella
Sittin' in a dark old dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free
I don't wanna be like Snow White waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me
On a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side
Don't want to depend on no-one else
I'd rather rescue myself

you know what?

whatever.

i just want to runaway, away.

2008-01-21T00:11:00.000+08:00

okay. i don't think i can see through my social life anymore. because if i did, i wouldn't have the time to sleep. it's not that i cant cope or anything, it's just the part where i need to do revision and sleep. i really want to go out, i really want to do a.maths, i really want to do what other people deem impossible. ~~lmao~~.
i'm physically and mentally tired, but it's him who keeps me moving =x and i'm trying to keep up too.. i think i'm doing pretty fine now, it's just that i need more rest now than ever. i'm dead beat. i'm exhausted. i'm flopped.

T___________________T~
helpmeeeeeeeee:[

絶対大丈夫だよ!!

2008-01-16T19:20:00.000+08:00

hello dear reader.
you have just stumbled upon the blog of a no-lifer. yes indeed, brenda tops me but still, she justs juggles what her parents & the school throws. i juggle what the school and my outside life throws. tell me which is harder, for i do not think that brenda should top me. ~~meh.~~

monday: lessons end at 1.15 and near competitions i may only be able to leave after 6.
tuesday-thursday: lessons end at 2.25 and i have some structured study time the school organised and it ends at 4.30 and the teacher may drag the time longer so leaving at 4.30 is not consistent.
friday: lessons end at 12.40 but my cca time is 1.30-6pm.
saturday: homework day & maybe go out to tend to my outside life.
sunday: head down to church & will be drifting away with my cg.

yes indeed i do not have tuitions or any other extra stuff but seriously, i'm gonna be a no-lifer until the Os end. but everyone's pushing me to go to a JC... which means i still have 6 more years of being a no-lifer and when i probably hit 21 i'll be too used to being a no-lifer i continue furthur studies and god knows when i'll ever recover. ~.~ i want my life back cans..? damnit!
not only do i have to do all this (which i think i am capable of :] ~~hey i'm being optimistic~~), i think now my outside life is killing me. if there's anything you need to tell or ask me, i repeat, come and tell or ask me in my face. if you daren't tell or ask me, then don't bother because i do not want you to waste your breath.
i don't know why, feelings didn't seem to exist when it happened. but why does it hurt now, when i know the inevitable is about to happen?

He could push her away, but he doesn't want to hurt her; as a result he ends up hurting himself.

i'm not thinking very far; it's a fact, isn't it? i'll be okay, i promise. don't delude me.. or keep my hopes up so high, only to drop it at the zenith. ~~stop making me speak in rhymes... as i only rhyme in my speech when i emo, be it lightly or heavily.~~

-

2008-01-13T21:32:00.001+08:00

if you want to know ANYTHING about me.
come and ask it IN MY FACE.

& if i dont want to tell you at all.
STOP PROBING.
i will hate you.

white houses!

2008-01-13T20:37:00.000+08:00

LOL WHAT THE FUCK!
lydia came online and told me she was going to die tomorrow because she THREW VEGETABLES AT HER FRIEND in school. =.= and.

LYDIA     ; says (8:25 PM):
i going to die tmllllllllllll
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:25 PM):
why
   LYDIA     ; says (8:26 PM):
my friend complain to dm i throw vegetables at herrrrrr
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:26 PM):
-.-
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:26 PM):
diao
   LYDIA     ; says (8:26 PM):
i'm going to dieeeeeee
   LYDIA     ; says (8:26 PM):
i'm going to dieeeeeeeeeeeee
   LYDIA     ; says (8:26 PM):
help me
   LYDIA     ; says (8:27 PM):
helpppppp me i going to die mtl
   LYDIA     ; says (8:27 PM):
tml**
   LYDIA     ; says (8:27 PM):
helphelphelp
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:27 PM):
=.=
   LYDIA     ; says (8:27 PM):
diediedie
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:27 PM):
skip sch lor
   LYDIA     ; says (8:27 PM):
helppppp
   LYDIA     ; says (8:27 PM):
cannot
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:27 PM):
u dare to do why u dont dare to face the music
   LYDIA     ; says (8:28 PM):
ahhh
   LYDIA     ; says (8:28 PM):
i humji mag
   LYDIA     ; says (8:28 PM):
mah**
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:28 PM):
thn u still throw
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:28 PM):
why u throw you chicken neh neh
   LYDIA     ; says (8:28 PM):
hahaha
   LYDIA     ; says (8:28 PM):
i don't knowwwww ahhhh dieeeee ah tml
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:28 PM):
=.=
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:28 PM):
since u dont know why u throw and u scared to face the music then dont complain to me
   LYDIA     ; says (8:29 PM):
throw for fun mah
   LYDIA     ; says (8:29 PM):
throw for fun mah
   LYDIA     ; says (8:29 PM):
i scared tml dm ask hor about the vegetable thing then i keep laughing
   LYDIA     ; says (8:29 PM):
what ting
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:30 PM):
justin laughing at you
   LYDIA     ; says (8:30 PM):
=.=
   LYDIA     ; says (8:30 PM):
ahhhh
   LYDIA     ; says (8:30 PM):
diedie ahh
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:30 PM):
neh neh
   LYDIA     ; says (8:30 PM):
go read her blog ah
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:30 PM):
=.= who
   LYDIA     ; says (8:30 PM):
paperkisses07.blogspot.com
   LYDIA     ; says (8:31 PM):
i also got video of me throwing vegetable at her
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:31 PM):
HAHAHAHAHAH
   LYDIA     ; says (8:31 PM):
then she want put vegetable inside my shirt
   LYDIA     ; says (8:31 PM):
ahahahahhahahaahaha
   LYDIA     ; says (8:32 PM):
diediedie

then i read that girl's blog. and continued talking to lydia.

✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:32 PM):
WHY YOU PINCH HER
   LYDIA     ; says (8:33 PM):
she pinch me also mah
   LYDIA     ; says (8:33 PM):
got marks to prove
   LYDIA     ; says (8:33 PM):
ahahahahaha
   LYDIA     ; says (8:33 PM):
so die together lor
✖ つきゆめ™ ||       ❥      絶対大丈夫だよ!! ♥♪ says (8:34 PM):
u pinch her first right
   LYDIA     ; says (8:37 PM):
ya

LMAO. no comments.

i believe the world is coming to an end.

2008-01-13T11:10:00.000+08:00

neversorry
©2008;dinah

done and dead, and proven my worth, there's nothing more to be said about this
reality or dream? things just changed into a state of bliss
i guess apologising will never be accepted, but trying doesn't hurt
so let me take this chance to take afford me comfort

sorry for thinking i could do it, sorry for trying to be what i'm not
days&nights i've tried to be, but all my efforts led to naught
putting on the face that gets me through the day, it is but a daily affair
it's the kind of dream you can never awake from - it's my living nightmare

the gaping hole in my chest is filled with nothing but you
and if it's you that i'd hurt, tell me what am i to do?
oh, such wistful eyes, a fragile tale it brings along
tell me now, truthfully, to where and whom do i really belong?